


Patterns of Warmth, 5:  To Have and To Hold

by IreneClaire



Series: Dimensions [5]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Bromance to Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Episode Re-Write, Episode Related, Episode: s09e01 Ka Owili Oka'i (Cocoon), Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by actual episode, M/M, Male Slash, Yeah they finally get there!, mcdanno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-07-27 18:50:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 39,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16225166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IreneClaire/pseuds/IreneClaire
Summary: "No! No, you're not in," Steve insisted. He pushed Danny forcibly backwards, his tone now desperate. "You have absolutely no idea what you think you're getting yourself into with these people! They can't even take care of their own!""So you tell me," Danny replied softly. Using the breadth of Steve's body to hide the gesture, Danny covered Steve's fingers with one hand. "Calm down. You show me … you prep me … we have twenty-four hours. Besides, I don't want or need them to take care of me. I just need to know that you're there. Just you."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Calacious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calacious/gifts).



> I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any characters. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Notes: The muse grabbed the first episode, flipped it on its proverbial head and decided to spew forth "a what if it were Danny" scenario. There are references which may be taken as spoilers for the real written episode, S09.E01: KA ʻŌWILI ʻŌKA'I (COCOON) which is a retelling of the Original Series' Pilot Episode. I own NONE of that (then or now) - characters or otherwise.
> 
> As inspiration and after much debate, the muse insisted this AU flip be part of the Patterns of Warmth series.
> 
> Sometimes relationships need a catalyst and this has become that within the Patterns of Warmth Series. Since it was thrown together rather quickly, I hope it makes sense and I hope you enjoy this inspired story and possible AU version of an already perfectly wonderful episode.
> 
> Many many thinks to Phoebe and Swfiters who didn't laugh their noggins off at this concept.
> 
> Gifted to the ever lovely and talented Calacious !

 

**H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O**

 

"I don't like it. It's too dangerous," Steve insisted. "Detective Williams is not available. I am."

He ignored Danny's laden expression, as well as the strong hand on his arm which begged calm. It was far too late for Steve to maintain his calm if the CIA thought Danny might be a suitable faux-target for their dangerous cat and mouse ruse.

"Too many people know you, Commander," Agent Jonathan Kray explained. The head of the CIA's Pacific contingent was personable, but definitive as he paced the small office. "Your reputation precedes you and doesn't borrow well to espionage. It would take too much time to build the right level of, let's say, _doubt_ within the community. Besides, you're too close to the investigation. Tom Hennessey was your good friend," he dared glance towards Greer, his expression meaningful and Steve glowered angrily from one to the other.

"What?" Steve all but snarled out when Greer folded her arms across her chest.

"If I may be blunt: your prior work with Agent Greer is of issue — she's admitted to having had a relationship of sorts … with you - true, it was a long time ago, but we just can't take any chances. You're too connected to the CIA; you might as well _be_ one of us when it comes to this particular mission."

"You _told_ him that?" Steve was stunned as he glared at Greer who hadn't even the decency to look away. There was no fathomable reason for her to have mentioned their two-night tryst to her superiors. None whatsoever. He had a difficult time ignoring the way Danny fidgeted by his side, knowing what Greer rightly assumed when she noticed his partner's discomfort. Her face changed just enough for her to communicate her intrigue related to that particular fact to Steve - that she knew the two of them were more than partners - and he wanted to rip the growing, cat-like smile from her face.

"It's me or no one," Steve said as he angrily pushed his emotional reactions to the side. Of course Danny knew all of this anyway; he'd figured it out all by himself in Hennessey's apartment. That he and Greer had had a fling years earlier. But hearing it validated out loud publicly and understanding that others also knew, added a layer of intricate reality. Once they got home, Steve would have some additional and very eloquent explaining to do. With an effort, Steve refocused his attention back on what Kray was saying.

" ... it's too close and your intentions might be of the very best, but - even if you're not directly pegged as a plant - there is a significant conflict of interest here with members of my team."

"There's another conflict here too … with Detective Williams," Steve practically growled out. He was treading a fine line as Greer's sardonic smile grew and Steve inhaled sharply, forcing his brain to change tactics. He needed to settle.

"Why him? He's got a stellar career, too. An exemplary file; there's nothing which besmirches his name," Steve said, going for reason. "Not a damned thing!"

"Really?" Kray queried in surprise. He leaned forward, his hands placed comfortably on the back of the chair in front of him. "What about his brother, Matthew Williams? Mis-placed funds? _Murder_? The Colombians … that not so little issue of an extradition?"

"You son of a bitch," Steve hissed dangerously through his teeth, needing to hold Danny back as his partner surged forward this time. "That was put to bed years ago!" Leave it to the CIA to have done their homework well in advance to get their way. All of their buttons were being pushed, one by one. Done in such a way as to manipulate a situation to their liking. Steve's ire rose as he began to feel an uncomfortable itch inside his very being. If this meet and greet felt bad before, it smelled ten times worse now.

"But how?" Kray purred back just as threateningly. "How was that put to bed, Commander? Exactly?"

"Steve, stand down," Danny said as he interrupted the contest of wills between the two men. "I'll do it." He waved his hand towards Kray, acquiescing in an attempt to end the argument. "Fine. I'm in. What do I have to do?"

"No! No, you're not _in_ ," Steve insisted. He pushed Danny forcibly backwards, his tone now desperate. "You have absolutely no idea what you think you're getting yourself into with these people! They can't even take care of their own!"

"So you tell me," Danny replied softly. Using the breadth of Steve's body to hide the gesture, Danny covered Steve's fingers with one hand. "Calm down. You show me … you prep me … we have twenty-four hours. Besides, I don't want or need _them_ to take care of _me_. I just need to know that you're there. Just you."

"Daniel," Steve said as he shirked out of Danny's grip and turned back towards Kray and the small team of agents. He looked at each one of them, his gaze landing lastly on Greer. His anger warred with worry. Even fear. But his ongoing attitude was merely providing them - Kray and his damned CIA team - the provocation they sought to select Danny.

"It's too dangerous for a member of _my_ team," Steve repeated, speaking now directly to Kray. "You've lost five agents. _Five_. You've admitted that you failed at taking care of your own. Well, you can't have one of mine!"

"I can and will contact the Governor and explain that his special task force is refusing to assist a government agency which puts at risk hundreds if not thousands of innocent American citizens." Suddenly, Kray was playing hardball and his entire demeanor had changed yet again. His tone was silky smooth and his arrogance worn on his sleeve. Even as Steve continued to shake his head, he knew that his argument was lost.

"Part of this is your doing, Commander. Your dissembling of the Russian cartel was key in creating this ... problem. Do I have to remind you of that? While I commend your efforts, it did make room for the Chinese to stake a claim," Kray continued. "We have no other options; Detective Williams is the perfect choice. He's associated to you and that association is also ... well, can be played up as more of a question mark much faster than trying to spin a leak around you," the man said. "He's an outsider ... a relative unknown. We can leak just enough and he'll be out before he's even put his feet up to get comfortable."

"Bullshit," Steve said in one last ditch effort to win some kind of latitude. "He's not going in …." He turned to Danny, towering over him, his face stern. "You are _not_ going in."

"Commander? We'll send you and Detective Williams instructions by this evening," Kray said to Steve's back. There was a lull and then one final parting comment from Kray.

"Thank you for your cooperation."

"Fuck you, Kray" Steve said, refusing to turn around. His eyes stayed on Danny's face and as the door closed to the office, Steve shook his head again, his voice pleading. "You're _not_ going in, Danno."

 

_**~ to be continued ~** _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " .....  
> Danny wouldn't be gone for more than a few hours. He'd get a little roughed up ... pushed around … intimidated. He didn't put much stock in getting actually brainwashed… Danny didn't think he'd be around long enough for that to happen. ....."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any characters. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Notes: those of you who've seen the fantastic episode will find the similarities below; anything borrowed is done so respectfully of the show and its real writers, including derivations of dialogue and some aspects of the plot.
> 
> Many thanks to all who like my little twist on things!

 

**H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O**

 

The hardest part always looked the easiest. As Danny strolled calmly down the pier, he ignored the handful of other dock workers he passed. There was no need to exchange words or even offer acknowledgement. He was just another transient face amongst a multitude of others. He heard snippets of Russian, English, Portuguese and muffled shouts or laughter as he continued towards the SS Arcturus. According to Kray, the Arcturus was the link and his temporary night shift job was lined up. He merely had to get there ... or not. So this plain, ordinary walk which kept him out in the open had become the hardest part.

As for getting there, Danny was betting on the 'not part'. As he got closer to the ship, just able to make out part of its name as he walked towards where the Arcturus was berthed, neither his team nor the CIA could guess where or when Danny might be jacked. The smart assumption was _now_ though and _before_ he made it to the big freighter.

He'd been undercover countless times in his career, but never like this. Never intentionally set-up to be abducted. The stakes were incredibly high as they pertained to national security and if he had to be honest with himself, he was nervous about the impact of his potential failure. Knowing that Steve and his team were all watching him somewhere along the pier definitely helped calm his nerves to some degree, nonetheless and as he covertly watched for movement within the shadows, he knew his own abduction would happen when least expected. He was exposed and completely out in the open. Vulnerable as planned. The small concealed weapon he had would be taken within seconds of whatever might go down. He'd have nothing but his wits and what Steve had literally drummed into his brain over the last few hours and none of that was particularly comforting.

It was an odd feeling and very disconcerting as he wondered about the potential violence of the pending attack. He hesitated when movement caught his eye further down the wharf and Danny tensed up, at the ready, just in case. But the heavy-set shape coming towards him merely spared him a nod and Danny returned the same, remaining on edge until the man continued on.

_Not this guy; not yet._

For once though, Danny was relieved that it was him out in the open and not Steve. The role reversal was an interesting situation for them and part of Danny, a very small part, was almost smug about how it would be Steve loitering helplessly out there and not himself. Danny's lips twitched upwards into a semi-amused smirk. It might do Steve some good. This time it wouldn't be Danny with all those bad thoughts running through his head. Worrying, wondering,… _upset_ about what condition Steve might be in when he found him. How many little pieces would be left for Danny to pin together like a patchwork quilt. Wondering if this one time, it might not even be possible.

This time it would be _Steve_ fretting about _him_. His smile faltered as he heard a distant rumble - a mechanical reverberation. Uncertainty made him pause. Probably a large winch, a different ship. Danny rolled his shoulders, forcing himself to relax. Even the environment was Steve's home away from home; Danny was literally a fish out of water. He shook himself and kept walking, allowing his thoughts to return to how their perfect little apple cart had been so badly upset. Things would work out and a little taste of Steve's own medicine wouldn't be so bad for the man: _IF_ the hastily strung-together plan went down exactly as anticipated.

 _WHEN_ it worked. When it played out, Danny wouldn't be gone for more than a few hours. He'd get a little roughed up ... pushed around … intimidated. He didn't put much stock in getting _actually_ brainwashed… Danny didn't think he'd be around long enough for that to happen. Besides, the Williams were a stubborn bunch. He'd dump the faked Intel from the CIA at the right time and probably even include what he and Steve had found at Hennessey's apartment. The contrived list of names, the falsified codes and erroneous locations ... all of it combined would establish a web of interconnected traps. Danny would be made to say all which he'd memorized and the troops would show up at just the right moment to get him out, allowing the Chinese the opportunity to escape. It would take time after that, maybe a week or two. But that false intelligence would allow the CIA to pick apart the Chinese spy network one by one, with the ultimate goal of identifying their internal mole.

 _'You can still change your mind; we can still decline to assist.'_ Steve's voice echoed in his head and Danny wished he had a comm link as his mind briefly wandered. No, they couldn't have declined anything and Steve well knew that; it was only his desperation talking. A crash course in how to resist brainwashing wasn't something that could be learned within a matter of hours. Between terse words which neither of them truly meant and bouts of frustrated anger, they'd eventually managed to focus on the material which the CIA had sent them for Danny to memorize. Steve had added in a bit of the intel they'd gleaned from their time at Hennessey's apartment, as well. Something which the CIA knew nothing about. Steve hoped it could be an ace in their abysmally small hole. Small bits of scorched papers with a few scarcely legible names and numbers? They had to hold some value and so Steve had made Danny memorize those, too, regardless of their iffy state.

Steve had resented every minute but had been thorough and diligent. He'd gone so far as to quiz Danny in seafaring lingo, slang terms, refused to let him shave even, and then selected his clothing himself. It all would hopefully prove to be unnecessary and a lesson in over preparedness, but Danny only loved him more for every annoying, nitpicky detail.

And even though he had duly coached Danny right up until the last minute, he'd been just as adamant about scrubbing the mission, too.

Danny cursed softly under his breath. In the privacy of their home, Steve has been desperate to pull the plug. The entire situation was badly flawed. Steve knew, and he knew it. But there wasn't much either of them could do about it now and Danny should at least should be running through his material in his head as he walked along the pier. Instead, Danny was still thinking about _Steve_ and how Danny would make all of this up to him when it happened. He had just walked beneath a shadowed catwalk when he was hit from behind. He fell prone, the wind knocked out of him hard enough so that he was hampered in rolling back to his feet. He managed though, growling under his breath as he swiped at a bloody scrape on his chin and sized up his attacker. Being face to face with one man wasn't so bad. Danny was almost insulted.

"Who the hell are you?" Danny asked as he adopted a fighter's stance. Of course, his attacker didn't reply and Danny smirked in disgust. "Figures. Not much of a talker, are you?"

Danny feinted before swinging hard and surprisingly connected fist to temple. The man went down like a brick but before Danny could move, something sharp was plunged into the side of his neck. He grunted, the bee-sting like shock taking him straight down to his knees when the pain broadened to pulse hotly into his shoulder. He pawed at his neck, not confused because some part of his brain understood what had just happened, but still adequately surprised by this counter-attack. As he half turned, his vision swimming from the strong cocktail of drugs dispensed by a hypodermic needle, Danny saw a Chinese man looming over him. Well-dressed and calm, the man smiled down at Danny as he struggled to stay at least on his knees. But as another dim shape stepped forward, Danny's mouth gaped wide. A woman ... and he knew her despite the grayish haze which was threatening far too fast to take him under.

_Greer._

"W-what ... w-what the _hell_?" He stammered as Greer stood boldly next to the Chinese man. "You?"

"Hello Detective Williams," Agent Greer all but purred as Danny swayed dizzily to finally slump over to a hip. Even with one hand planted on the ground, he could barely stay upright and she laughed softly when hand became elbow.

Her appearance made no sense to Danny even to his drugged brain. Her duplicitous nature knew no bounds. And when he got back home, Danny filed away the fact that his partner sometimes had abysmally bad taste in women. Trying to focus on Greer now though, Danny was still baffled about her role. Greer knew that he was a plant and yet, here she was making a mockery of the entire mission. He opened his mouth, fighting for words. Wanting to say as much to her Chinese peer who'd so easily jabbed a needle into the side of his neck. Danny didn't get any farther though as his body simply gave up and he rolled drunkenly over onto his back.

"Greer ...," Danny whispered one last time as his world turned upside down and then blinked out within a nauseating swirl of light.

_**~ to be continued ~** _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " ....  
> The two men regarded each other closely. Where Kang was calm and growing more eager, Danny was beginning to hyperventilate, his panic already evident.
> 
> "Prep him," Kang ordered his men while never taking his eyes from Danny's face. ....."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any characters. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Notes: repeating the obvious - those of you who've seen the fantastic episode will find the similarities below; anything borrowed is done so respectfully of the show and its real writers, including derivations of dialogue and some aspects of the plot.
> 
> Thanks to Phoebe for the multiple sanity checks as my muse has become quite high maintenance. And to Swifters for additional, occasional bunny thumping.

 

**H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O**

 

Danny's waking was much the same as his lapse into unconsciousness. He opened his eyes to a murky view of Agent Greer and of that same well-dressed Chinese man. However, the additions of being strapped vertically to a table in an oddly lit room, and now disturbingly garbed in a wetsuit, were notable differences. Those things, along with the mother of all migraines.

"Welcome back, Detective. We failed at sharing proper introductions earlier. My name is Kang and over the next few hours, we're going to get to know each other very well."

"I doubt that," Danny replied hoarsely. The injection site burned into his neck and he could barely move his head, nor did he want to as it thudded painfully in time to his heartbeat. The shifting blue-ish light in the room was only making him feel more sick. The dank smell was so pervasive, he could practically taste it. Nevertheless, he forced himself to look around, not feeling any better at all when he recognized nothing of significance.

"Where are we?" He asked while squinting in an attempt to escape the oddly pulsating light which seemed to be magnified as it reflected off a metallic ceiling.

"On the Arcturus," Kang confirmed, acting as if astonished by Danny's lapse. "Surely, you know that though, Detective? It's what you wanted… Isn't it?"

Danny squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, trying to will the headache away. He was off his game and not feeling well. He was precisely what Kang wanted him to be as he re-opened his eyes, wincing against the odd shimmering lights.

"Yeah, sure. Of course," Danny muttered. "Why the hell am I dressed like this?"

Kang smirked as he began to pace the short distance between them. Nearby, Agent Greer stayed silent, but was paying rapt attention.

"You do know that Greer is playing you, right, Kang?" Danny said. He glared at the woman when she merely raised an amused eyebrow his way.

"Possibly," Kang replied blithely. "But right now, this _time_ is about you, Detective and what you'll be telling me ... about what you found in Hennessey's apartment."

"Hennessey?" Greer blurted. "You were there? In his apartment?" She was clearly surprised, even confused. It was Danny's turn to mimic her earlier condescending tone even if he was at a distinct disadvantage.

"You shouldn't make assumptions, lady," Danny stated. He looked at Kang next and snorted through his nose. "As for you? I'm not going to tell you a damned thing," he said. He looked again, as he made that promise, towards Greer wondering what and where her interests really lay because she damn-well knew he'd been force-fed fabricated intelligence. Only this bit about Agent Hennessey was new to her. Incredibly, she now remained quiet and seemingly unperturbed by his predicament ... and even her own. Danny didn't believe it though. Something had to be off and Greer had to be quite the accomplished actress.

"You're a diligent police officer, Detective Williams. You love details … tiny, tiny details," Kang was saying. "You like to _think_ that you work by the book and that you're a good cop. And well, maybe you even are. But you see, your penchant for those details is the reason why you and I are going to become very, very good friends. It's precisely the reason why you're going to help me."

Danny shook his head to the contrary though. "Nope, not happening," he said. It was Kang who now snorted comically though his nose, his smile more of a leer as he stopped his pacing. He cocked his head towards Danny, examining him closely.

"Oh it will, Detective. It will happen," Kang quietly affirmed. "Everything you know from the instant that you were born ... you will tell me. Without hesitation and without preamble. Think of it this way - while you can - your brain is like a computer, Detective. Everything that makes you ... _you_ ... that which defines you is an intricate combination of inherent and learned behaviors. Sound, smell, touch ... all of your senses add to that whole of your being. Now tell me, Detective, what would happen if - for the very first time - all of that sensory input was shut off completely?"

Danny swallowed hard. He had no idea where this was going and couldn't help how his anxiety was now on the rise. Greer had stilled any and all movement; she scarcely seemed to be breathing so intent she was on Kang's speech. As for Kang, Danny jolted as if he'd been shocked when the Chinese man snapped his fingers to get his attention in the quiet of the room. Unable to help himself, Danny's eyes flew back to the mans' face.

"Shall we test my theory, Detective? You're hardly the first ... still ...," Kang said as he shifted to the side and gestured dramatically to the area behind where they were. Beyond the instrument panels and the large console, Danny finally saw the reason for the strange blue-ish hue cast about the room and its oddly patterned shifting of light.

An actual pool - a large water filled tank - took up the entirety of the area opposite to where they were and Danny's mouth gaped open soundlessly. His hands clenched inside heavy divers' gloves, which he hadn't noticed before, and he quickly looked down at himself again. Putting two and two together suddenly wasn't so hard and he began to tug on the straps binding his wrists, chest and legs to the table.

"What the hell is that?" Danny whispered.

"There will be no messages in there," Kang shared next. He began his short pacing again, unaffected by Danny's struggle. "The amount of time varies, but eventually a starved computer panics. And after that, it's just a matter of _minutes_ and the brain blanks ... it switches ... off."

Kang snapped his fingers again and Danny's head swiveled like a top, eyes ever widening towards the man's face again. _In there?_ Danny was beginning to have difficulty breathing. Kang's continued speech was doing him no favors either.

"What the hell is that?" Danny choked out more loudly. "What the hell is that for?"

Kang grinned without directly answering Danny's questions. "And what do I have? What was once a human being, becomes a vegetable. And, a very compliant vegetable at that."

"You can't do this," Danny gasped. He pulled harder on the straps as he was blatantly ignored, uncaring of hurting himself. Still, Kang continued on. If the man had a script, he certainly intended to follow that script down to every last syllable.

"Then, I have _it_ removed from the vat. I ask _it_ questions and ... _it_ ... answers those questions, Detective."

The two men regarded each other closely. Where Kang was calm and growing more eager, Danny was beginning to hyperventilate, his panic already evident.

"Prep him," Kang ordered his men while never taking his eyes from Danny's face.

The words set off Danny's struggle in earnest, but he had no where to go. Strapped to the table, capturing his head proved no challenge whatsoever as one of Kang's technicians lit a small Bunsen burner. In horrified awe, Danny watched the man as he softened what looked like resin into four small plugs. _Gutta-percha_. Danny knew that now - he _knew_ from the various medical reports what the substance would be. He'd just never known what it might look like. He also knew where Kang's lackeys intended to put it and ... _why_.

"Jesus Christ!" Danny shouted as his head was held in place. Methodically and through his loudly voiced objections, two of the warmed plugs were molded into each of his ears. They hardened quickly and Danny grimaced as his hearing was taken away from him. Standing back and examining Danny's face sans emotion, that same technician literally tested the softness of the next two plugs before taking pains to wad the thick mass into each of Danny's nostrils.

Panic on the rise, Danny's mouth gaped open immediately as he fought for breath.

Deafened and breathing hampered, strapped to a table by a psychotic lunatic, Danny fought harder. Muscles straining, he was fast losing sight of the goal. Losing the plot and knowing above all else, that Steve had been right. There was no way in hell that Danny would be able to cope with the depths of this ... contrived mission... this experiment. How could no one have known about this? Something of this magnitude?

Somewhere in the back of his brain, he felt that the CIA _had_ known and if not Kray, then Agent Greer had certainly been aware of what he'd be subjected to ... and she hadn't shared a word of it. In fact, she'd allowed her peers - her supposed friends - to be tortured and then to die this way. Each at Kang's hands.

"Fuck you!" He shouted as Kang stood far back watching his men with a sadistic smile on his face. "No! No fucking way ... are you insane?" The technician was back by the Bunsen burner. This time, larger pieces had been taken from the rectangular block of Gutta-percha. He was taking his time warming the resin, shaping it into ovoid sections. His eyes would come next and Danny simply went ballistic.

"Stop," Danny pleaded. "Please ... you don't have to do this." He couldn't even hear himself speaking. Sadistic was the man's middle name as he intentionally ceased all activity to watch Danny's fruitless struggle to break free, the way his chest heaved. His very human fight against the sheer helplessness of the situation. Greer was by his side apparently fascinated by the process, too. The only sound in the cavernous room that of Danny's off kilter, spasmodic breathing. A sound he now couldn't hear at all, but both Kang and Greer certainly could.

"Please ...," Danny whispered brokenly when Kang signaled his team to move again. Danny sagged in his bonds, exhausted and demoralized by the growing size of his true predicament. Kang caught his eye and gestured grandly once more towards the large tank. A sensory deprivation tank ... and Danny couldn't even shake his head to beg his freedom. With a tap of his watch, Kang nodded to his team to continue and Danny briefly rallied but he was no match as first his left eye and then his right was sealed shut.

As soon as he couldn't see, much of the fight left him. It was like Kang had predicted: take away the senses, and the body would become compliant.

"Stop this," Danny pleaded blindly into the air. Deafened and blinded, Danny shook his head then, trying to dislodge the hardening resin from his eyes. With his core senses gone, he was lost. None of Steve's preparations could have readied him for this. He was desperate for their arrival - for Steve to miraculously appear - for the mission to be over. Danny vainly tried to remember how long they'd wait before storming the ship. What had the plan been? What was their expectation ... had there been a back-up plan should something go south? How would they even know? _Steve_ ... how would Steve know ... and God help Danny but ... _when_?

Though he tried to center himself, Danny couldn't make his brain work correctly. Already, he was switching off. Tremors were running through him as something cool and rubber-like was slid over the top of his head. Like a _cap_ , it was tugged over his hair and then his forehead, fitted as if molded across his eyes, cheeks and entire face. Once again, physically held in place, he was forced to just take it as the thing was fitted tightly over his neck. Not a cap. His entire head was fully encased by ... _a mask._

The thick rubber was instantly oppressive and Danny's mental anguish flared despite the flux of cool air that he could feel being circulated over his mouth. It wasn't enough. _He couldn't breathe._ He moaned in abject fear. With nowhere to go and nothing to see or feel, his sense of equilibrium fled him next when the table was tilted. With no spatial references to grasp, his head swam sickeningly when his body was maneuvered over and then suspended mid-air.

He struggled again, impulsively seeking purchase on anything when his legs and arms were spread even wider apart. His fingers spasmed in too tight gloves. He flailed against nothing. Gulping heavily for air, Danny called out repeatedly into the mask certain he at least could be heard and yet, in his minds' eye, he saw the tank coming closer. He envisioned that final destination. And when it happened, his only clues were that of temperature change and of an odd pressure against the wetsuit. As the suit enveloped his body, a sensation of cold permeated through to chill his skin, a mind-numbing coolness which settled inside his muscles.

_A starved computer panics._

He heard _Kang_ in his head and believed him as adrenalin sparked by pure _fear_ made Danny buck and thrash wildly in his bindings until, exhausted, his body simply gave out.

_He couldn't move. He couldn't ... feel._

Mouthing pleas he couldn't hear, deprived of everything, he floated without purpose knowing only the internal pounding of his heart. Lost in the hell of a black void, Danny knew he'd die. His brain would blank and then switch off.

 _What was once a human being ..._ Kang's voice. His cruel words again. Kang's _promises_.

He might have called out for Steve then; even begged for his help. Danny wasn't sure because he was done ... _done_ before the mission had ever really begun. As he failed time and again at calming himself, Danny's last coherent thought was that he hoped Steve wouldn't blame himself.

_**~ to be continued ~** _


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " .....  
> "I mean it, Lou. Something's wrong..."
> 
> "Of course, something's wrong; your boy's out there and you're ... not," Lou Grover interrupted Steve as he continued to seethe. ......"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any characters. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Notes: wow if I thought prior chapters were long before dividing them up ... this one takes the cake! But w nowhere to properly divide, consider this the "put your feet up w a glass of milk and a few cookies ..." ... and maybe you all won't kill me after this chapter ...

**H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O**

 

"I can't do this; I just can't sit here - dammit, Lou! I _won't_ sit here and just wait! Kray has no idea what he's doing," Steve remarked in a loud whisper. "Something's _wrong_ ..."

There was something definitely wrong, of that he was positive. And in all honestly he couldn't do it just sit there anymore. He couldn't cope with the watching and waiting on a screwed up, misguided _mission_ that wasn't even his to own or to manage. He couldn't come to grips with the sheer weight of worry. Not when it came to Danny.

"I mean it, Lou. Something's wrong..."

"Of course, something's wrong; your boy's out there and you're ... _not_ ," Lou Grover interrupted Steve as he continued to seethe. The two men were up high overlooking the wharf nearest the moored Arcturus. Darkly shadowed, no one could see them, but they had a birds-eye view of the area. _Watching. Waiting._ Neither were happy about the current state of the situation. Over three hours earlier, Danny had disappeared beneath a walkway and not re-appeared on the other side.

Kray's quiet acknowledgment of that fact in a far too delighted tone had nearly sent Steve over a very dangerous edge. The first stage of their plan had been executed but there was nothing to celebrate. Danny's role was not that of a willing target - as prey to suit someone else's desired end-state - that level of disrespect had forced Lou Grover to physically intervene or else Steve's next steps would have resulted in the complete scrubbing of the mission and perhaps even a bloodbath amongst those purportedly on the same side.

None of Steve's team was to be trifled with. _Ever_. As Grover had so kindly then informed Agent Kray before joining Steve up high, everyone had best watch their words and actions very, very carefully. The safety and well-being of Five-0's Second in Command had best remain everyone's highest priority. He'd let his own warning of ' _or else_ ' remain unspoken though he did lovingly caress the stock of his shotgun while staring Kray down personally. Lou had then opted to change his originally mandated post to directly provide back-up to Steve.

No one had said a word about Lou's decision to physically step between the two men. Likely Kray might have been somewhat relieved to have the older man shoulder to shoulder essential babysitting the Five-0's volatile Commander; though Kray had to recognize that Grover could also be considered an iffy buffer of sorts if pushed too hard in the wrong direction.

Now, as each minute ticked by and two more hours piled on top of the first, the assumption was that stage two was in full swing ... and going well. _Going as planned_. But that was not Steve's assessment. With his partner technically off the grid, Steve's impatience had grown to mammoth proportions. He didn't much care that Lou was trying his best to offer support and reassurances. Steve needed to move.

"If it's any consolation, Danny'd be cursing up a storm by now too if that were you down there," Lou continued softly. He kept trying to placate his friend to no avail. Steve was in no mood to hear a damned thing from anyone except confirmation that they could actively proceed.

"It's not. It's been too long," Steve complained. "Something doesn't feel right, Lou. He's in trouble." He rolled his shoulders trying to ease their strain, eyes black and moody. He shifted on his feet and then froze in place, eyes narrowed.

"What?" Lou said, instantly alert and scanning the lower points of egress on the big freighter.

"Four o'clock ... rear gangway," Steve murmured. Similar soft confirmations of activity echoed amongst both CIA and 5-0 teams alike; that movement had been spotted. Two or three individuals disembarking. Then reports of a large vehicle - an SUV - lights off being driven covertly down the wharf in the direction of the Arcturus.

"You don't think they'd move him, do you?" Lou asked quietly as he tried to gain a better vantage point.

"Not sure," Steve replied. Eyes narrowed, he stared hard as the figures came into better view. He paused, holding his breath until he was sure and then he was cursing under his breath. "It's Greer ... son of a bitch," he hissed through his teeth. "It's _fucking_ Greer!"

He glared in hatred down at his one-time friend before glancing once at Lou. His silent command was enough and Lou nodded in agreement. Any residual trust factor had just been summarily quashed and neither of them would even bother to radio their sighting to Kray and his CIA contingent. Instead, their own alternate plan had just been put into action.

"5-0 change it up," Lou said boldly into the comm link. He didn't wait for replies from either Tani Rey or Junior Reigns. Nor, from the few hand-picked HPD officers they'd kept in the wings. He knew they'd do as they'd been instructed beforehand and be listening intently. With a few simple flicks, he, Steve and the rest of their team were on a different and very private channel.

"Pay attention. This is it ... the mole is Agent Greer ... we're not on their clock anymore starting now," Steve said as he straightened and started to move. "We're going in ... and we're going in hot if needed." He took notice of the additional appearance of armed men now beginning to vacate the Arcturus from various stations.

"Hold up and keep low ... we've got company coming off the ship."

"Shit, _hot_ it is, Steve ... we've been made. They're fully armed ... and expecting a fight," Lou noted as an army of men took up defensive stations along the breadth of the pier where the freighter was docked. Shouts could be heard before one then a few shots were exchanged. Kray must have made a decision but this would only benefit Steve and his team's objective. He watched angrily as Greer and the men she was with dove into the SUV, the big vehicle's lights suddenly coming to life as it peeled away.

"Made? No. Not by a long shot," Steve growled through clenched teeth. "Greer's giving herself a cover by keeping all of us busy ... including whoever the hell else is on that ship! And guess what ... we take advantage of that, too."

He gave orders then to his team to continue on using caution. But then he was moving faster yet, practically running, using the growing firefight to his advantage. Clearing the way and allowing the CIA team to take point now that it mattered, Steve avoided the bulk of the chaos for a singular goal. Opting for the shadows and taking on minimal direct combat, he and Lou entered the ship at its midpoint and instinctively went down into its depths. Mentally tracking his progress, Steve guided them away from the sounds of the fire-fight above and towards the center of the vessel. He got lucky on the first hatch he opened but what he saw, stopped him cold in his tracks.

The pool was enormous and would be distinctly out of place inside any ship. Beyond it and behind a glassed partition was a room much like a command center with white-coated technicians focused solely on their tasks. They all had their backs turned away from him and the pool, focused on some other work. Not a one seemed even remotely concerned that a fire-fight might be in fully engaged above them. Steve wondered if they didn't know or simply didn't care.

_But the pool?_

Steve's eye darted from the tank to the windowed section noting the track of puddles and streaks of water signifying that something or someone had been in the water not too long ago. His gut twisted uncomfortably with a certain knowledge he refused to consider just yet. Nonetheless, his eyes followed the damp track directly to the command center and he scowled, unable to see much due to the brighter reflection of the water on the glass and the few technicians who were blocking his view.

Easing through the door and then along the wall, he stayed low until he could see better and what he saw then, made his heart stutter-stop inside his chest.

It just _couldn't_ be ...

"Mother of God ... no. _Nonononono_ ," Steve choked brokenly as he caught sight of a damp blond head of hair amongst the small group. He unconsciously glanced back towards the large pool and the way it was still rippling. The trails of water dampening the floor and still, his brain didn't want to accept the one and only explanation. He blinked rapidly trying to process what he was seeing - really, trying to come to grips with the truth.

Steve thumbed the space between his eyes. All the previous victims had been tortured ... drowned ... the findings of their own Medical Examiner concurred with that of the CIA's assessment. This damned ship had been in port every single time. How stupid could they all have been? Feeling sick to his stomach, Steve heaved in a juddering lungful of air trying to deny what had happened - what _was_ happening. He didn't want to have to go there and yet, there simply wasn't any other alternative. His next worry came unbidden: Greer had been inside. She'd known all along even before Tom Hennessey's body had been found on the beach ... and now Danny was ... _here_ and ... they'd definitely waited too long.

 _He,_ Steve, should have known better and now he'd waited far too long that night to make critical decisions. Crouched down, Steve moved forward silently. He briefly spied a thatch of blond hair again and his chest seized in fear for his partner at the same time his anger flared not only for the small group of men he'd soon dispatch, but also against Kray. What was happening was intolerable. He couldn't quite make out Danny's face yet. The Chinese technicians - three he counted automatically - dressed in white lab coats were attentive to their job. None were apparently armed. Another man, also Chinese, but taller than the rest and well-dressed stepped into view. He'd be the one in charge.

Likely Greer's primary contact.

"Steve?" The voice was low, his name uttered softly. Still, Steve jolted when a large hand clasped his shoulder reassuringly. _Lou_ ... so intent on analyzing the surroundings and gearing up to take down his prey, Steve had forgotten he was there, too.

"You see him?" There was a pause and then a confused murmur. "What is that thing?"

Lou meant the _pool_ but Steve didn't have time to explain. He was afraid to. Instead, Steve jerked a shake of his head to silence the older man. His stomach was in knots and he couldn't stop watching the men behind the window. He couldn't take his eyes off the place where he'd last caught a glimpse of who had to be Danny. His opportunity happened just a split second later. The one he'd determined as in charge finally took a full step back and Steve saw Danny then. He saw the blond swath of hair ... the wetsuit ... the medical tray with the oddly shaped grayish-white colored material scattered about on it ... the scissors and the few medical implements ... and _God help him_ , Steve finally _saw_ all of Danny's face.

Eyes closed, face ashen and lax, he looked _dead_ and Steve felt a wave of dizziness wash completely over him. "Danny," he breathed out battling a state of shock he could ill-afford now. He felt cold inside as if a block of ice had been deposited inside his chest. His eyes skated over the tall, elevated table and the many straps holding his partner perfectly in place in a nearly upright position. They'd not only waited too long, they'd completely underestimated this so-called mission and where it could lead.

"What the hell did they do to him?" Grover whispered in stunned awe. As they watched, the taller Chinese man smiled and then snapped his fingers. Steve clearly saw the motion from where he was. The man snapped his fingers right by his partner's face and Danny's eyes sprang open as if he'd been electrocuted.

"Oh my God," Steve moaned in his throat and Lou gently squeezed his shoulder, offering him support. It just couldn't be happening ... not like this. Danny's eyes were indeed lifeless; they looked as dead as his ashen complexion.

"Steve, we gotta get him outta there," Lou whispered and Steve nodded. " _Now_ ... when they least expect it."

He had to brutally shove his emotions to the side. Compartmentalize and focus. Steve barely managed it as he moved off the balls of his feet in one fluid motion, trusting that Lou would be right behind him. They both attacked without hesitation, dividing their force on instinct, Lou understanding that Steve only had his eye on one man in particular: the leader of the small Chinese team. He would take him dead or alive, but Steve would take the man one way or another.

"Who the hell are you?" Steve ground out as he cornered the man in the room. He readied himself as his opponent flexed his hands, his stance suddenly lithe and his confidence telling. He only had a knife at the ready, where Steve was fully armed. Nevertheless, by posture alone the man was a highly trained fighter and Steve would need to assume that he'd not go down easily. If at all.

"Commander McGarrett," the Chinese man noted calmly. He leered then, head slightly cocked to the left evidently perturbed at needing to share his own name. "I'm rather insulted. My name is Kang."

When Steve didn't reply, Kang's eyes narrowed in annoyance. "Your Second is ... durable ... but not invincible. My apologies for any lasting ... damage... Unfortunate that," he added slyly.

Steve couldn't hide his spasmodic swallow as he digested the man's words. He didn't dare look behind him as the man was trying to goad him into doing. There'd be no additional small talk either as Steve caught the subtle shifting of weight, the twitch of the man's fingers around the knife. Kang might have thought himself indispensable and perhaps therefore, that Steve wouldn't shoot. That he'd want to take Kang alive. But there, the man would be fatally wrong with that assumption; Agent Greer's subterfuge had actually made this _Kang_ quite dispensable. There was only one way to end this particular stand-off and Steve was depressing the trigger on his weapon even as he gave that one final order.

"Put the weapon down," Steve demanded simultaneously while firing his weapon and ducking to avoid the blade. The fierce throw had been nearly accurately executed despite the fact that his quarry was dying before he ever hit the floor. On any other day, Steve might have been impressed. He had much higher priorities though.

"Lou!" Steve shouted as soon as he confirmed he'd permanently neutralized not only the leader but anyone nearest him. He sensed that Lou had done the same and was near Danny ... and Steve's gut clenched as he whirled around. _Danny_ ... eyes wide, what Steve saw from across the room was heart-wrenching.

" _Lou_!"

"McGarrett, get over here! NOW!" Lou shouted to him. Steve stumbled over his own two feet in his haste, stepping over bodies, stripping off his gloves on the way. His eyes solely on his partner's face.

"He's like ice, Steve," Lou said. "And he's not responding to me at all ... I think he's in shock ... I'll call it in. We have to get this damned suit off him and get him warmed up."

"Danny?" Steve cupped Danny's face between his hands, alarmed by his cold skin, the bluish tinge of his lips ... most of all though, his completely vacant expression. "Danny? Danny ... it's Steve ... come on, buddy. Say something."

"Sir? How is he? What can I do ... what do you need?" Steve heard Junior Reign's voice but didn't look at him at all. His heart was in his mouth as too many different answers to Junior's questions flit through his head. He needed so much he was at a loss. Forcing himself to settle and just think, Steve went for the obvious.

 _Bad_ ... Danny was _bad_. The worst Steve had ever seen anyone. What did he need though? He needed to keep it simple _... basic first aid._ Care for the basics ... Steve needed to warm Danny up; assess his injuries and general condition. Quickly examining the table which Danny was strapped to, Steve found the mechanism to rotate it back so that it was more horizontal, then he began to remove all of the restraints. Across from him, Lou moved to do the same.

"Blankets," Steve made himself say. " _Blankets_ , Junior ... find me something to warm him up. Go up a level and look for crews' quarters if you have to. Tell Tani to stay up top and guide the EMT's down here with a stretcher. We'll need oxygen at minimum. Have an evac-airlift standing by just in case. We're not going to have any time to waste."

"You got it, sir," Junior said. He disappeared then, giving orders of his own. Words which were lost to the roaring inside Steve's head as he unzipped the wetsuit, searching for additional damage, worrying about the cold texture of Danny's torso. There wasn't a single part of his partner's skin that didn't seem to be far too cold. Tremors were running through his body. _Shock. Hypothermia_. Incredible conclusions in a few short hours, but very likely based on Steve's efficient once-over.

"Blankets," Junior announced as he returned on a run. Steve grabbed for the blankets; all three of them now working together to shed Danny of the impossible garment in favor of warmly wrapping him up literally from head to toe.

"He's freezing," Steve muttered to them as he cupped his partner's pale cheek. His eyes raked over Danny's body, not seeing any physical injuries but the reality of being subjected to sensory deprivation was already revealing massive psychological trauma. Gritting his teeth and getting with the program as he nearly came undone again, Steve focused on what he might be able to control by taking basic manual readings.

 _'Keep it simple. Start there',_ he repeated to himself. Too much had been screwed up that night.

"Pulse is slow; respiration is depressed ... his breathing is very shallow. _Shit_!" Steve cursed suddenly, newly desperate when he realized that Danny's eyes had begun to close again. "No! Danny!" At a loss, Steve surprised even himself by snapping his fingers like Kang had done in front of Danny's face. He was at once relieved and horrified when Danny's eyes sprang open.

"Son of a bitch," Lou breathed out next to him. "What the hell happened ... it's not even been that long!"

Steve shook his head. He knew and he'd hated what he'd just done. But even though Danny's gaze was frighteningly empty, the idea of having his eyes close completely sent a new level of fear pinging though Steve's soul.

"How far out is that bus?!" Steve demanded to know. They were in trouble ... at wit's end, Steve needed expert assistance as he half gave orders and then catered to trying to rouse his partner in his favor as he snapped his fingers for a second time.

"Somebody find out for me! Danny ... _Danny_ ... look at me. Say my name, buddy. Who am I?"

On the second sharp snap, Danny seemed to be staring at him and Steve was anxious as he prayed it was a beginning, no matter how small. No matter how he had to get it done. But then Danny's head turned ever so slightly to stare towards the pool. The play of light from the water across the ship's inner hull seemed to pull him there and Danny blinked once. But then didn't offer anything else.

"No. _No_ , look at me." Terror growing, Steve gently touched Danny's chin, tugging his face back his way, begging Danny to see _him. "_ Danny, who am I?" He repeated, his voice catching in his throat. "Danno ... say my name."

"Wait. Steve. The safe words ... what are they?" Lou prompted Steve by literally smacking him on the shoulder. "Steve. _Think_. You told me about those damned safe words - the triggers - in case Danny did get brainwashed or lost or ... or, whatever the hell damned thing you said might happen! _Think_ , man! What are they?!"

Sick to his stomach, Steve nodded. He was scared to death and his tongue didn't seem to want to work properly. Danny had thought his idea ridiculous at the time. Steve had persisted though - a contingency plan - just in case. Danny had laughed and Steve might have done the same. But now? Now, he needed to get his shit together and implement that plan. It's all he had and Steve nodded again as he ran his fingers gently through Danny's matted hair. Under a makeshift hood of blankets, even his scalp was cold.

"Come on buddy. Let's do this," he breathed out softly as he fought to get his thoughts together enough to recite his own rehearsed phrases. He inhaled then, bending close to Danny's face. Unable to prevent himself from pressing a dry kiss to Danny's forehead and another to his lips before starting to talk in a slow, measured tone.

"Remember _Chinatown_ , Danny? Our _restaurant_ ... _Steve's_ ... who am I, _huh_? You remember _Steve's_ in _Chinatown_ and how we're opening that _restaurant_ together? Just you and me ...," Steve whispered carefully and concisely, never taking his eyes from Danny's face. "A stupid-ass Italian _restaurant_ not only in the middle of _Chinatown_ but on a lousy, _pineapple_ infested island in the middle of the Pacific. It's got a great chance, right? It's perfect."

His heart broke when nothing happened. Nothing at all except for a far-too lazy blink which threatened to close Danny's eyes for good and Steve ducked his head down as tears filled his own.

"Please ... you can't do this ... you can't. You have to hear me," Steve whispered as he hid his face to thumb his tears away before pressing yet another kiss to Danny's lips and then to his cheek.

"Danno ... you _have_ to hear me ... who am I ... _please."_

"I don't believe this," Lou said. His own levels of fear, worry and frustration made him overly loud and Steve cringed. "Nothing? _Nothing_? Come on Danny ... don't do this to us!"

Through two heavy blankets, Lou was rubbing firm circles over Danny's torso in a vain attempt to warm him up - get some blood circulating. Steve glanced up to see a face nearly as distraught as his own. He nodded when Lou asked a silent question granting permission for the older man to roughly wend his hand down through the blankets to Danny's sternum where he knuckled his friend hard. The action should have been painful to Danny, and yet, there was no response.

"Again," Steve whispered to Lou, shattered when Danny's fixed gaze continued to look beyond him - _through_ him - staring at nothing. But when they dared to slide shut, Steve cursed in alarm. Eyes wide and driven by desperation he cupped Danny's cheeks again. He leaned in close, demanding, pleading. At a crossroads of angry and scared.

Once more petrified when Danny tried to slowly turn his head away, his empty stare seemingly drawn to the shifting of the blue-tinged walls nearest the pool. The attempt was weak and yet obvious enough to Steve and he stayed firm at keeping Danny's head braced between his hands.

"Danny ... remember _Chinatown_ ... the _restaurant_ we're going to open together."

Foreheads virtually touching, he chanted the triggers over and over again beyond when Danny's eyes did finally close. Steve repeated the words long after they'd removed Danny from the Arcturus. He kept talking until his voice gave out and tears were openly streaming down his face as if they'd never stop.

 

**H5O* H5O**

He stared blankly up at the face in front of him. More questions were being asked of him. He held no answers though. Nothing at all. He didn't know this voice. He didn't understand the words.

 _He didn't know this voice ._...and so, wasn't prepared to reply. Wasn't _able_ to reply. Wasn't _expected_ to reply.

Uninterested, he turned away. Shut it out. Moved on. It was easy.

He turned away from the face and looked sketchily around the odd blue-ish tinged room. His eyes settled on nothing of note. Nothing made an impression.

Liquid reflection off metallic skin. Dancing lights. Smells he didn't try to decipher.

He blinked slowly, seeing and not seeing at the same time.

 _"Danny?"_ His head was pulled back forcibly by his chin to that face and he stared again. Impassive. Blank. He blinked.

_"Who am I?"_

Words. Sound. He tried to turn away but his head was held firmly in place. He blinked again. Accepting of hollow sounds.

It meant nothing.

_"Danny ... Chinatown? The restaurant ..."_

He stared straight ahead not really seeing more than a pale face backlit by a shifting blue aura. He got lost beyond the face to the glinting patterns of light in the distance.

 _"Who am I ... please ... "_ The sounds faded. They held no meaning.

Liquid reflection off metallic skin. Dancing lights. Smells he didn't try to decipher. _Voices he didn't know. Sounds he didn't try to understand._

Eyes vacant. Feeling nothing. _Lost in a blue-tinged void._ Wanting nothing. His mind completely empty, he eventually closed his tired eyes and just ... was.

_**~ to be continued ~** _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any characters. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Notes: thanks to Phoebe for a much needed beta and help with some very important, key wordings. :-) Continued thanks to all the wonderful reviews and comments. This one is fun to write but admittedly tricky.

 

**H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O**

 

Steve had to be bodily pulled away from Agent Kray before he quite literally, killed the man. Screaming. Cursing. Hands balled into white-knuckled fists, he was out for blood once they'd gotten topside.

"You knew ... you _knew_ this would happen! He wasn't prepared for this!" Steve shouted. "None of us were!"

"What did I know?!" Kray objected. "That Kang would be in there? That ... he'd be conducting experiments on good people as a method of gaining intel? That the Arcturus hid a god-damned swimming pool - a deprivation tank?! I had no idea ..."

"You _know_ about Kang?" Steve interrupted Kray in a tight voice. He tried to shrug off Grover's warning hand. "Stop right there. That's enough for me. You knew this guy existed and could have been ... _was_ ... here? All this time?"

"My intel didn't put him here ..." Kray tried to explain. "And what we did release, we released based upon a need to know."

"Your intel is shit and fuck need to know!" Steve interrupted him angrily. "We should have been advised of any and all potential scenarios, Kray. You know that."

"Hell, we all knew the risks. My best agent - one of the persons I've trusted the most - blindsided me. Don't you think I would have said something had I known ore about it?! More about anything?" Kray was equally upset and just as defensive as Steve. However, Steve didn't feel the man had a right to it despite Greer. He also felt justified when Kray stood tall, straightened his shirt and then had the gall to make one final comment.

"Detective Williams knew the risks. He accepted them; and maybe you should, too." The blithe retort delivered over a split lip and around a thin smile were all too much at that point. Only both Lou's and Junior's quick thinking managed to keep Steve from launching himself at the agent for a second time. Held in check by his men, Steve pointed menacingly at Kray.

"Know this, Kray. We're not finished yet ... me and you ... we're not done! Not by a long shot."

"Come on, Steve," Lou said more quietly. He tugged on Steve's arm reminding him of the time. "You need to be with Danny ... the bus is about ready to go. Junior and I will handle what's left here."

Steve nodded. Lou was right and he immediately switched gears, backing away and shaking off his rage. Kray no longer existed when he saw that Lou was right. The EMTs were waving him over and readying to leave. He barely heard Lou warn Kray that Five-0 had a right to any and all intel found that night, including anything tallied from within Kang's inner sanctum.

 

**H5O* H5O**

That final altercation marked the last time Steve saw Danny outside of a hospital setting for seven days straight. As for Kray or anyone who even smelled CIA, Lou ran interference.

When Danny was finally released back into Steve's care, it wasn't only because the medical experts had run through their courses of treatment. In only seven days, they'd conceded a loss in the battle to salvage the ailing detective. Given up hope - if hope was ever anything they'd ever held dear. By then though, Steve was also protecting Danny from the over-zealous. Those who saw him as a teaching experiment. A device to learn from. Others recommended a facility. Professional long-term care, cautioning Steve and the rest of the team that Danny likely wouldn't recover. Steve had listened and then declined any and all recommendations. Stepping forward to accept full responsibility, Steve got Danny back on his terms, even if the supposed experts declared that Danny was lost to all of them. _Lost to Steve._

"I won't let this be it," Steve muttered as he briefly thought about those warnings. He discarded most of what he'd been told but it was hard. Seeing the evidence of Kang's experiments was damaging his ability to ignore much of Danny's medical reports.

"Steve, he's going to be all right," Grover said from the driver's seat. Steve made a face; he hadn't though he'd been loud enough for Lou to have heard him. "Time. He just needs time and to be with his own. You believe that, right?"

Steve gave a faint nod. Internally, doubts were running amok and Lou knew it. Lou was constantly glancing over his shoulder as he drove from the hospital back to Steve's house. Worried about both of them in different ways. Steve was in the back seat, sitting next to Danny and trying to ignore the older man's fatherly tendencies. But Lou cared too. A lot. So, Steve heard him even if he didn't want to listen. He was understanding of the man's concerns and he even was accepting of his friend's best intentions, but the platitudes were falling flat.

Steve sat sideways on the rear bench seat, incapable of not looking at Danny. Touching him, trying to draw him out. Urgently whispering the safe-words over and over again; something which some of the esteemed medical staff had put little confidence in. However, it was something which Steve felt he needed to fall back on time and again.

"Hey buddy," Steve said. "Remember the _restaurant_ , huh? The renovations we're working on? Things are coming along great ... like before, everyone's kidding about an Italian _restaurant_ getting opened in _Chinatown_. And I still think we should call in _Steve's_ ... whaddaya say, _huh_?"

He stressed each of the words, enunciating them just so. He heard Lou sigh under his breath and turned a semi-deaf ear. Lou's frustration wasn't aimed directly at Steve at all. He was merely expressing the general worry and frustration which they all were experiencing. So Steve continued on. If this was all he had in his very limited arsenal of tools to help his partner, then so be it; it was _something_ and better than having nothing at all. Steve would keep trying even if Danny didn't move an inch. Even if that blank stare never budged from where it stayed fixed, straight ahead, his eyes barely blinking. The problem with Steve's thoughts though was that the longer nothing happened - the more that time went on its relentless march without a single response from Danny - the more Steve's doubts rankled at his confidence. Time wasn't the friend Lou seemed to want it to be; time was his enemy.

"Damn it," Steve said to Lou, his voice a hoarse whisper as he gently pushed Danny's hair back from his face. "This shouldn't have happened ... the video from Kang. It's ... it's impossible."

"I know it shouldn't have happened - I know that! But don't you dare say it's impossible. Let him rest, Steve ... and you too. Give yourself a bit of a break," Lou said. He shook his head ruefully.

"I never should have let you see that intel from Kray. I thought it would help ... get Danny on the right track. So far, all it's done is eat you up on the inside and make you doubt everything you know about Danny. So ... I don't have any answers for you, but let him rest for now. We need to get him home and on familiar ground where he feels safe. He'll come round. As for you ... do the same. You're not gonna be any good for either one of you if you run yourself into the ground."

"Will he? Come around, Lou? Or am I just kidding myself?" Steve murmured as reality hit him hard between the eyes. "Maybe the doctors are right." Danny was in his hands now and where had that gotten his partner less than ten days ago? He tried to ignore the demon on his shoulder that said he'd fail his partner again. The one that said Danny was gone for good and that this was the best it was ever going to be. The very same demon that reminded Steve every day that what had happened to Danny was entirely his fault because he hadn't prepared him the right away. Better yet, he hadn't stood his ground and declined even to participate in the CIA's damnable exercise. He just plain should have done more.

Since that night, he'd seen Kang's video-taped experiments. _All of them._ The man had been sadistically wicked, but he'd been brilliant in his meticulousness. What he'd managed to do to the human mind had been catalogued from start to finish. His methods, their purpose, his hypotheses. _All of it._ What he'd done defied humanity. Steve hoped the CIA would burn the notes based upon the dangerous subject matter. There'd be no purpose to retain any of it. Like Lou, Steve was sickened by the intel and by seeing what had been done to his partner.

Before Danny, Kang had steadily worked at refining his methods with each unwilling subject: each human guinea pig. The first few men, followed by his friend ... then Danny. It had all been there. The experiments were nothing short of cruel. Sadistic. No one knew what had happened to the first few men seen on the initial videos after Kang had finished with them; their bodies would probably never be found. They only had Hennessey's ... and now, there was Danny. At least he was alive. For now. But how the hell was he going to survive - and heal - when men with professional training hadn't made it? Men with military training who additionally lacked Danny's own inherent phobias?

No longer caring what Lou saw or might think, Steve ran his fingers through Danny's hair. It was long and lank, needing a good wash. Steve would take care of that later in the day. If Lou was right about one thing, getting Danny home was the single best thing that could be done for him. Steve needed to stop doubting himself at least there.

"We're going home, Danno," Steve whispered. "No more missions... no more doctors or any of that bullshit. Just me and you ... our o'hana. Like Lou says, time for you to rest and get well." He bit his lip when his chest tightened up, his voice cracking as he argued the hard bubble which was trying to force its way out. "I'm here; I'm going to fix this. I'll make it right."

The pain in his chest got worse at how weak that promise felt to him and Steve's eyes filled with tears. He swiped at his face almost angrily. He might allow Lou to bear witness to a few things, but he couldn't cry in front of the man. Besides, his emotions wouldn't be of help to his partner at all.

"I'm so, so sorry," Steve whispered as he focused on getting himself in check. Wending his fingers through Danny's hair, Steve's touch was that of a starved lover. He leaned forward to kiss the side of Danny's head and then gently pulled him into an awkward hug. Danny slid into him, dead weight heavy against his body and that's where Steve began to lose the small bit of self-control he thought he had managed to gain. His attempt at a soft sigh came out a sob anyway.

This just couldn't be it. Not when things were finally coming together for the two of them.

"What the hell went wrong, Danno?" He murmured sadly. "It's not right. None of it." He kissed the top of Danny's head before gently tucking him under his chin and closing his eyes. For while he rocked in time to the movement of Lou's big SUV. He was already mentally drained, feeling over-whelmed and they hadn't even gotten home yet.

"I can't see you like this ... this can't be happening." His voice broke again and he gave out with a ragged cough. He opened his eyes, blinking against the sun's brightness despite the window's dark tint. His head was in a turmoil.

"Steve? You okay, man?" Lou asked, his tone hesitant and Steve knew then that Lou was indeed cataloguing every single thing he was doing. He felt a surge of resentment but what did he care now though? Let the playful jokes be over with and the truth be out in the open. The only time that mattered now was the time he had with Danny to get him back; if he could. _No_ , he needed to rid himself of his doubts. This wasn't about _if_ he could do it - he simply _had_ to.

 _He had Danny ._.. he came back full circle to that. He had him and not some hospital or asylum; definitely _not_ the CIA as requested for some ridiculously obscure 'debriefing' - Kray's ignorant superiors had the gall to come forward asking for audience with his partner. Steve had been dumb-founded at first and then just completely, absolutely irate. Once again Lou Grover had interceded on what would have become an even uglier situation. With the added support of the Governor, they'd all finally just gone away with their tails between their legs. Nevertheless, Steve's heart still lurched at the idiocy of that demand and he reflexively tucked Danny even closer in.

He chastised himself for his doubts and negative thoughts. Danny would want to be with him and Steve had made it happen. _He_ had Danny and they'd be home soon. They'd be home together and able to just focus on themselves. Lou was right and Steve had to rid himself of his melancholy and re-stoke his hope: for Danny's sake. Danny would want this. He would whole-heartedly approve.

"Steve? You good back there? You need anything? Is Danny all right?" He'd been lost in his mixed up, screwed up thoughts and Steve nodded as Lou called to him again.

"Yeah," Steve said with more resolve. "I'm here ... we're okay." He took a deep breath as he ran his hand soothingly up and down Danny's arm, and his eyes met Lou's in the small rear view mirror. "I'm getting him back, Lou. No matter what ... I'm getting him back."

There was an acknowledgement in Lou's face and then a nearly imperceptible smile. A quirky grin which lit Lou's eyes and did wonders at shoring up Steve's flagging reserves.

"I know you will," Lou said. For whatever reason, Lou sounded more confident. His pleasant chuckle was low, soft and he tapped the steering wheel gently with the palm of his hand. "Yup. I know you will. It might take some _time_ , but you'll bring our boy all the way home."

_**~ to be continued ~** _


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any characters. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Notes:  I'm posting two chapters in the same day.  I'm rather 'moody' this evening and need a happy distraction. :-)  Even so,  ... don't shoot the muse for this chapter (or me since I "drive" the keyboard). If you do ... there's no more chapters that will be posted ... like ever ... right? Right.  

 

**H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O**

 

There wasn't a day gone by where Steve didn't shed a tear at least once. While Danny could and would follow basic commands, and he might appear to manage some rudimentary functions, there'd been zero progress. Silent tears would stream down Steve's face during the darkest of hours. He'd only manage to rally as dawn approached and natural light slid slowly across the floor of the bedroom. Then the day would start again and he'd do his best. All. Over. Again.  Only to slowly lose that hope by nightfall. Constantly tired and on a non-stop treadmill, Steve was barely taking care of himself and constantly second-guessing what he did or didn't do at every turn.

 _Would Danny really want to be here? Was Steve really doing the right thing by trying to take this on all by himself?_ At these lowest of points, he just wasn't sure anymore.

The cycle inside Steve's head wasn't only vicious, it was relentless and Steve was on the verge of losing his own mind.

That morning was no exception. He tried to remain stalwart by reminding himself that Danny would want to be here. At home. In fact, that Danny would do the same for him if the tables were turned. Steve had managed a sketchy smile of sorts about that. Danny would definitely be there for him: but harping and railing against his stupid, Neanderthal ways the entire time. Steve's smile had faded quickly. He missed Danny's complaining. He missed Danny's _voice_. Steve had tried to forge ahead but he was already starting out on a bad foot. He was already struggling.

"So, Danny," Steve said, his voice hoarse from emotion. Raspy from over-use. He was exhausted, running on fumes and he knew it. There weren't any options for him though. The coffee might have been freshly brewed and there may have been another small stack of pancakes nearly ready to be flipped, but that was as far as the normalcy went. He bent down to press a kiss to the top of Danny's head, accepting of no response. For a moment, Steve sighed as he rested his forehead against Danny's temple. Danny wasn't going to like what he had to say next.

"So listen," Steve said as he straightened up. "The _restaurant_. In _Chinatown_ ... _Steve's_ ... I know you're probably going to get angry. I had no choice though. But ... but I've put things on hold until you feel better."

He said each word clearly and concisely as he did every day beginning the moment he'd pulled Danny from the sensory deprivation chamber. _Restaurant, Chinatown, Steve's_ \- all had been programmed code words. Each a fail-safe for the one before just in case Danny might get too lost. Danny had thought it was funny at first, but he'd diligently studied and then sworn he was ready.

Danny had succeeded in the mission. He'd shared the information he'd been programmed to share. All of it, including the bit Steve had instilled in him from Hennessey's apartment and maybe that's was also why Greer was so anxious to leave. Even now, the intricate Chinese spy network was being slowly, carefully, disassembled piece by terrible piece. It had _all_ worked except for the part where Danny woke the hell up afterwards. That part - the most important part of all - had summarily failed.

Balanced on the balls of his feet, his hands on Danny's knees, Steve stared hard into his partner's face looking for something that could be gone forever. A sign or a glimmer of recognition that Danny was hearing him and coming back. A brightness to his eyes. The hint of a smile. Hell, Steve would take a smirk or an exasperated roll of an eye because he was slowly unraveling, too. His own hope was fading fast. Even as the sun sparkled through the kitchen window, catching the lightness of Danny's hair, his eyes were as dead as ever.

"Didn't you hear me?" Steve said. "I'm going to pull the plug on the restaurant. Permanently."

Nothing happened though. Not so much as the twitch of a finger. So much for shock factor. Dispirited by the situation, Steve hung his head for a minute. He was sick of talking but much more sick and tired of hearing his own damned voice in the quiet of the house. But as he balanced there, once more staring into Danny's face, an idea came to his mind completely out of the blue.

 _Danny ... would he have ... ?_ Steve digested the thought. It made him dizzy he was so surprised by it. In fact, he should have considered it before.

"I have another idea," he said, suddenly eager to try. He was sick of the same words - his words. Just maybe, his partner had focused something else entirely. Steve sank down to his knees. He looked at Danny closely, trying to read something in the passive face.

"I need you to listen up, Danno, because we're going to try something else now," Steve said as he rocked back onto his heels. "I'm not a baseball guy, you know that. But you ... you always have been and I know one of your little secrets. The 86 World Series. Game 6," Steve paused for a minute. He was sure that he was on to something. "You did that, right? I know you did, babe. Come on, Danno ... the Met's line-up."

Steve waited, eyes narrowed, looking for something. Anything. For the first time, he felt excited by the possibility even as Danny sat there in that damned kitchen chair staring into space. Could it be this easy?

"Who played third base?" Steve began slowly, wracking his brain for what he remembered. "Ray Knight ... and short-stop was that other guy. Santana." He was doing it wrong, he knew that. Danny had an order of go inside his head and there was probably a method to his personal madness. Steve had paid attention but there were going to be holes as he skipped around trying to recall names and positions.

" _Shit_ ," he muttered to himself. He couldn't remember. "Foster ... Foster was pulled out of the game. No, that's wrong ... Foster replaced that other guy in left field. Who was that, _huh_? And what about the guy behind the plate ... you always started with him. What the hell's his name, Danno?"

His initial hopes at this new idea slowly started to collapse one by one. Danny didn't move. He didn't so much as blink and why? Because Steve couldn't get it right.

"Come on you stubborn bastard," Steve whispered at him. He was frustrated with himself and angry with just about everything else. He moved his hands from Danny's knees to his arms, his grip firm.

"You promised me you could handle this ... you fucking fought me for it! Now wake the hell up!" As Steve gave him a few small shakes, Danny's head bobbled loosely with each punctuated word. Bad memories of Kang's video stopped him cold.

 _The expression of fear on Danny's face. The way he'd helplessly thrashed and pleaded with the criminal. The way_ ... Steve garbled a cry under his breath for what he'd just done, choking on a sob. He released the tight hold he'd had on Danny's arms as if he'd been burned, falling limply back onto his heels.

_What the hell was he doing?_

"I'm sorry," Steve apologized, his expression stricken by what he'd done. He pressed a contrite kiss to Danny's lips and then leaned forward again, one hand gently cupped to the back of Danny's neck to bring them forehead to forehead. He was shaking and needed to calm the fuck down. What was he doing? What the hell had he been thinking? Steve rested there for a minute soaking in at least the fact that Danny was warm and alive. That alone should be maintaining his level of hope. But what had he just done?

"Danno, I'm sorry ... I was wrong. I'm so so sorry; I didn't mean to do that ... just ... it's just that I should have stopped you ... I should have said no." He felt a tear run down his cheek despite having vowed not to start that day the same way he'd begun every day since Danny had come home. It was a fruitless battle though. This simply wasn't supposed to have happened.

He only got to his feet when the odor of smoke hit his nose. Scorched food ... _the pancakes_ ... he'd completely forgotten the second batch.

"Dammit," Steve said as he stumbled over to the stove. He quickly turned the burner off and grabbed the closest dish towel. In anger, he dumped the entire pan in the sink and thumbed the water on to douse the heat and the stink of it all. The pan sizzled hotly when the water hit its metal sending thick, black clouds of steam swirling upwards into his face making him use the towel to wave it towards the open window before dropping the towel to the floor. Why bother? What did it matter? He looked down at the mess as a feeling of desolation swept through him.

With his back to Danny and his eyes now closed as leftover wisps of smoke wafted across his face, Steve stood there anyway, deserving of it all. The sticky heat bathed him and the acrid smell got stuck inside his nostrils but he refused to move even when the brighter breeze from the window eventually won the battle. When the air turned fresh, Steve opened his eyes, unsurprised that he had teared up yet again. He tried to take solace in the warmth of the sun when it came through with the pleasant air, but it just didn't feel right to him. Nothing did. Shoulders hunched and saddened by just about everything, Steve hung his head and stared dumbly again at the blackened mess in his kitchen sink and simply tried to breathe.

 

**H5O* H5O**

 

The sounds came and went around him. Every so often, a sound became a real word. Without thinking too hard, he'd hear that word and obey.

 _Sit. Stand. Eat. Sleep. Walk_.

Nothing more or less. That's all he knew in his limited existence and all he needed to be aware of: the arbitrary order. But something permeated that tiny void he was in. It made him look down. Really try to look. A flickering of a brightness. A playing of strong light which cut across his field of vision and made him ... blink. Not the lazy automatic blink he'd sometimes do, but an intentional blinking of his eyes that almost permitted him to see something different.

He didn't know what any of it was, nor did he try to figure it out. Those things were beyond his ability to grasp. But the light was intriguing and Danny followed the dappling play of sun as it came to him. He was enveloped by the warmth which beamed over him and warmed his hand. He followed the tiny sparkles of dust motes and blinked again when the the beam was broken. Something blocked the light, billowing and swirling in the distance.

The dappling flickered over the back of his hand ... it smudged away and then returned intermittently. Light to dark to light again until the sun came back even stronger than before.

Something else flickered inside his head. An itch ... or a _bubble_ ... a translucent thing which he didn't much understand on ... _a_ _voice_. The delay inside his head was significant. It was a long time coming but this voice had formed words and he'd listened a bit longer this time. It was so hard, it almost hurt.

_" ... you always started with him ..."_

His lips moved as he stared at the light flickering back and forth over his hand. A familiar voice had been there just on the fringes of his limited awareness. A voice he might have tried to find ... once. He turned towards it now and waited. There were sounds ... maybe words and eventually he knew that he'd been asked a question. He didn't know how long ago he'd been asked and yet ... the sounds coalesced into words ...

_" ... his name ..?"_

The voice was familiar and he blinked again, perplexed. His mouth opened and then closed. _It was too hard_. He breathed in once, deeper than he had in a long time before his mouth opened once more and that itch prompted him to provide ... a word. Still without sound, his lips quivered and then moved.

 _So, so hard ... nearly impossible._ Yet his lips eventually formed a shape to accommodate the word.

If Steve had been looking at him, he'd have instantly seen the changes. He would have been over the moon when Danny silently mouthed: "... Carter ... "

 

_**~ to be continued ~** _


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any characters. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Notes: on the way to some more healing ... be patient for the next chapter ... probably Wednesday ... maybe Thursday. Gotta love the need to actually work for a living!

 

**H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O**

 

Steve moved Danny to the lanai later in the day in the wheelchair provided by the hospital. He couldn't explain how he sensed it, but his partner seemed to be more tired than usual. He didn't understand why and was worried, so he'd opted for the chair rather than encouraging Danny to blindly walk the short distance. Apparently that had been a good idea since Danny's eyes were closed and he appeared to actually be dozing when Steve parked the chair and thumbed the brake on. The sun was changing its path and just coming to its zenith over the top of the house. They were bound to have another spectacular sunset much later that evening. Until then, the lanai was still partly shaded by the large palms and the breeze, still comforting. With a weary sigh, Steve turned towards the ocean, straightening his back and standing tall to stretch.

He ached to move and to do something constructive but he didn't dare unless he called Lou to help him out like he had time and again. But Lou deserved a break, too and Steve needed to let the older man be with his own family that day. In an attempt to discover some peace of mind, Steve closed his eyes as the breeze came in and ruffled his hair. It felt good. Peaceful. And for just a second, he inhaled deeply and held it in before exhaling low and long. He did it again while he tried to focus on finding some way to simply rediscover a center to just keep breathing. He was in a bad spot that morning though and nothing was helping. He probably should have called someone as his mood grew more and more dour. If Lou knew, he'd not only be disappointed in him, he'd blow a gasket.

He opened his eyes to stare at the ocean and for the umpteenth time, Steve wondered if he was deluding himself. Kang's videos haunted him at every turn. He had no idea what he was doing and he was probably losing Danny. Maybe the doctors were right and a clinic was a much better option ... but Steve shuddered at the thought. He couldn't see Danny in a place like that and besides, he was positive that Danny wouldn't want that either.

Pensive, Steve chewed on his bottom lip. What more could he do? He'd already opted to counter the sensory deprivation tactics with his own concepts of sound and touch. One doctor in particular had argued this concept - that Danny might shy away from being touched - that the experiences of being completely deprived of his senses would make him hyper-sensitive and that as a patient, Danny should be relegated to an equally quiet even solitary environment.

Steve had to grin at the memory. Lou had been there for that consult and had, at first, made a rather inglorious noise. The doctor, a petite Indian gentleman, had been distinctly offended.

 _"Danny Williams? Quiet?"_  Lou had snorted the words into his hand, his eyes sparkling gaily, before bursting out in laughter. Steve's grin became an amused smile. Ludicrous indeed.

Maybe he should try the Met's line-up again. One attempt hardly could be called a failure and the idea was a good one. With a computer right there and internet access, it was easy enough to look a few things up. Be more prepared. He should've thought of that before. It was stupid of him not to. Steve shook his head ruefully at how negative he'd become. If he deigned to allow himself an excuse, it was because he was tired and letting his mind wander. And neither of those things were decent enough reasons for him to slip up.

The idea was certainly worth trying again. Especially when it had felt so right. He turned on his heel then, intending to get his laptop. He took a step and looked down at Danny in the filtered sunlight and instantly, immediately, dropped to his knees so hard that he cracked bone on the hard cement.

"D-Danny?" He stammered badly. If he'd ever had wanted validation, here it was.

An ocean breeze had kicked in and was rustling loudly through the fronds of the palm trees overhead. Patterns of sunlight were moving over Danny's body in a rapid display of bright whites, yellows and grays. And God help him but Danny was looking at his hands.  _Really_  looking at his hands and his fingers were flexing ... moving as the sun flickered dappled patterns over his skin.

" _Danny_?" Steve asked. His voice broke that time. But Danny was blinking more too and Steve bent nearly in half to look up into his face. "Hey buddy," he breathed out as his heart tried to practically climb its way out of his chest. He told himself to stay calm, that what he was seeing could be an odd blip, but it was impossible for him to settle. This was hardly nothing because there was still  _more_. Far too subtle for others, but obvious to Steve, there were fine wrinkles around the edges of Danny's eyes. He was ... thinking ... and above else, looked more animated to Steve than he had in days. Shocked by what he was seeing, Steve blurted the first thing which came to mind.

"Who played third base? What was the Met's line-up, buddy? Tell me." He launched further into the routine without thinking, his tone light and soft despite the excitement which was making him truly shake. "I know who played third base. That was Ray Knight ... and the short-stop ... his name was Santana. Am I right?"

Even as Danny's eyes closed, Steve continued to hold his breath. Things were still okay because Danny was still ...  _moving_. As he watched, Danny literally clenched one hand back into a fist when the breeze stopped and the sun disappeared behind a cloud. Danny's eyes were closed but something was happening and as the sun came back out and ... Danny's hand relaxed into an open position. His fingers twitched as if he were seeking something and, on impulse, Steve scooped up Danny's hand into his own to interlace their fingers.

"Foster ... tell me about Foster, Danno. Or, even the guy behind the plate ... you always started with him. I remember you did. He was always the first guy you started with but I can't think of his name. What was his name, Danno?" His voice quavered, but he couldn't hide that. He focused harder on at least speaking slowly and clearly, enunciating every word.

Within the warmth of his hand, Danny's fingers clenched again before one by one, they tightened. Stunned beyond belief, Steve held his breath when Danny's mouth opened next. His damned  _mouth opened_  and after a few painfully long seconds, he breathed out one, soft quiet word.

"Carter."

Steve's eyes widened more. He'd not really expected anything at all and Danny's voice was as wispy as hell, but he'd clearly said the man's name.

"Yeah, that's right," Steve said, keeping his voice soft despite how dizzy he felt. "Carter ... the catcher's name was Carter."

Suddenly his heart was in his throat and it literally took every fiber of his being to remain calm. Focused. He forced himself to not change a thing about his posture. Danny was hanging on to his hand, trembling. Steve could feel the effort that was taking and he couldn't afford to lose the connection. Mind racing, Steve inhaled deeply and charged on, reminding himself over and over to go slow and willing himself to not stumble over his words.

"The others were Foster, Mookie Wilson ... and like I said before, Ray Knight. Third baseman, right? And ... Santana. You told me he was the short stop." He waited with baited breath, anxiously searching Danny's face. Nothing happened this time though and his desperation flared all over again.

"Danny? Am I right?" Steve prodded but Danny's eyes stayed shut and he looked like he was back far, far inside his head again. Steve gently squeezed Danny's fingers and continued to wait, unwilling to think that was it - one word. One name. Besides, the corners of Danny's eyes were still slightly crinkled and ...  _and_  his fingers were gripping his hand. This was real. There were no tricks being played on him by his tired mind.

"Who am I?" Steve dared to ask. "Tell me ... say my name."

The sun was strong on the back of Steve's neck and he began to sweat. Moisture was beginning to bead across his forehead, not only from the heat but from stress. He stayed kneeling right where he was though; he couldn't move. Not yet. He needed more. He  _craved_  more. But he'd used up all his words about the Met's line-up. He had nothing else to give and yet, he was encouraged when Danny opened his eyes even if his gaze remained lost. A million miles away and fixed at some spot on the back of Steve's hand where their fingers were joined. A spot that the sun was hitting through the palm fronds of the large tree above them. Only then did Steve notice that the breeze had picked up again. He glanced up at the fronds of the palm waving high above them and then back down at their hands. The sun's rays were strong and its light was dancing across the back of his knuckles. Danny was looking at it. Steve was sure of it.

"What are you seeing, buddy, huh?" He gently asked. Again no reply, but this meant something. Trying to work it all out, Steve looked up into Danny's face where the sun's rays were doing the same thing; filtered beams of light were flickering across Danny's left eye and part of his cheek. The reason was so obvious that Steve had to smile because it wasn't all that complicated. The changes in lighting were drawing Danny out ... the light and the flickering shadows cast by palm trees swaying in a soft summery breeze. Maybe even the warmth of the sun as it touched his body. Though Danny had done the same inside the Arcturus with the eerie shimmering of watery reflections against the ship's hull, this didn't bother Steve at all. This reaction was so much more acceptable. So much more natural.

"Danny, who am I?" He questioned quietly before falling back on their original plan of leveraging key words and phrases. "Remember  _Chinatown_ , Danny? Our  _restaurant_  ...  _Steve's_  ... who am I,  _huh_? You remember  _Steve's_  in  _Chinatown_  and how we're opening that  _restaurant_  together? You and me ... please,  _please_. Danny," Steve whispered plaintively exactly as he'd done so many times before. "Say it ... say something." He was scared to death and yet his heart was soaring, too. All of his hopes and been newly re-kindled, especially when Danny's lips moved. Steve almost thought Danny might be trying to recite parts of the key phrases with him and Steve slowed down even more to give him time to catch up.

"An Italian restaurant. In the middle of ...," Steve prompted.

"... Chinatown," Danny murmured in perfect cadence to end the sentence. He never looked up. He continued to stare in that disconcertingly blind way, but now Steve didn't care. He'd not only spoken, he'd made sense in only a way Steve would understand and his breath came out in a loud rush.

"Oh my God," Steve garbled around a stunned half-laugh. "Danno ... " He stupidly looked around hoping someone saw - that by some miracle - he wasn't alone and would have a witness. Wanting to do everything at once, Steve's head spun. He wanted to call Lou -  _had to call him_  - to get the man over to this house. Or maybe the doctors, his original opinions about their staid recommendations suddenly tabled. Instead, Steve stayed right where he was and stared back at Danny hard, measuring the tiny changes and tallying up each as a clear win.

"Chinatown's spot on, buddy," he said. "I knew you were in there; I  _knew_  it." That might have been a blatant lie. He'd had so many doubts since being on the Arcturus, his real beliefs had been sorely tested. He was smiling now though, his eyes alight, before leaning forward to cup Danny's cheek, to kiss the side of Danny's face. Once and then twice. He stayed close then, still searching. Still begging for more.

"Can you say my name, Danno?" Steve asked as quietly as he could. "What's my name?" He sensed his error and back-pedaled immediately though. Danny had had enough. Those subtle tremors were picking up and starting to run from Danny's fingers and into Steve's hand. More seemed to spasm across his shoulders. Danny was breathing funny now, too. He was clearly struggling and on top of it, seem purely exhausted by the effort. His eyes fluttered and then dipped closed to stay that way a second before his fingers completely went lax around Steve's hand. Still, his body seemed to vibrate on and that was frightening.

"Okay. I'm sorry. Easy, buddy," Steve crooned, newly alarmed despite the unprecedented wins. He hunkered down close, whispering soft sounds of reassurance. Stronger tremors were beginning to course in earnest through Danny's smaller frame and Steve shook his head in confusion and worry about the myriad of mixed signals. Trauma? Stress? Maybe both. Probably both.

"That's enough. You did good. So, so good. No more questions. I want you to rest now. Sit. Rest ... sleep. No more. No more," he chanted softly. "Rest ... just rest."

He repeated the simple commands and his calm reassurances as he edged forward on his knees to gather Danny gently into his arms, not at all understanding what was going on inside his partner's head or if he might have done something wrong. But  _no_  ... there was no way any of this was wrong. Danny was only tired - exhausted from trying so damned hard.

"Hang in there, buddy," Steve murmured as Danny's silent internal struggle seemed to ease. "We're gonna get there." He was still heavy in Steve's arms and his head had fallen to rest on Steve's shoulder. But that was okay too. Utterly relieved, Steve grinned through happy tears as he rubbed warm, soothing circles over Danny's back. He squeezed his eyes closed as his tears wet his cheeks and he began to quietly rock back and forth on his knees.

There with the sun shining down on them, Steve stopped everything else to just hold his partner ... and to finally  _breathe_.

_**~ to be continued ~** _


	8. Chapter 8

 

**H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O**

 

Danny discovered some peace as he got lost inside the shifting of light. It soothed over his skin, a counter-balance to a remembered cold that seared into his very bones. Even with his eyes closed, he could sense this light. It was different. So tangible and even warm. He didn't know how he'd found it, but he was glad that he had. The light and its varying shades were much better than ... before. That -  _before_  - had closed in around him to suffocate him within its agonizing slowness. He felt a pang of fear and fought more to stay where he was now as the shifting of light began to flicker and dim. He was tired. It was always hard for him to fight to stay, but he was more afraid of losing it. He  _couldn't_  lose it. The bit of ground he'd gained now just to touch it and to have it touch him, exhausted him no end, but he needed to keep trying. It was nearly impossible for him to be there at all even for a short time; certainly impossible for him to stay there at his whim in his weakened state. He would try harder. Especially because that odd little bubble was itching at his brain again.

The deep resonance of a voice came to him as he studied the shading of light which seemed to transform his skin. He couldn't do both. He couldn't listen and mind the dappling of light at the same time, so he made a decision. He briefly discarded the voice in favor of the shading until a warmth covered his hand to still its nervous twitching. Intrigued, he waited the span of a heartbeat before tentatively reaching forward in kind. His fingers encircled the warmth, astonished; he hadn't known he could do that.

_" ... you always started with him ... his name?"_

"Carter."

So part of him had been listening after all. The question surprised him as much as it appeared that the answer was right on the tip of his tongue, as well. The word was much more easily accessible than the first time and so, he simply said it. But then other words - questions - came at him fast and furious. Too many ... too much. Far too fast, making the words a blur of sound and, not knowing what to do, he forgot how to breathe. This was like -  _before_  - and desperate, he clung to the warmth around his hand wondering if he'd been tricked.

There was a lull then. He was shaking and couldn't stop. The lull helped to some extent as the voice slowly returned. It was calmer, more cautious but he was struggling now in his fatigue and uncertainty. For a terrifying moment he thought he might tumble headlong back to before where he'd drown inside ... he didn't know. But he took some sanctuary in -  _drew some strength from_  - the warmth which was wrapped around his fingers. He opened his eyes and ignored the sounds in favor of that warmth, relaxing when more bathed his face interspersed with light. A light that was so strong, that it displaced many of the shadows while warmly blending with that of his hand.

His mind wandered as the deep intonation quietly drifted over him and that itch gently teased his brain again. He caught a word and then another. They became strung together. Broken sentences which were nonetheless, familiar.

_"... who am I ... remember ... Steve's in Chinatown ... please ... something ..."_

The itch scratched a little deeper and his lips moved along with some of the words. He knew this. The revelation was slow in coming but ... he knew this. His mind linked the words together to form a sentence or two and the itch became an all-out burning sensation inside his head and he mulled it over: ...  _Steve's in Chinatown that they were opening together._

Another long pause allowed his mind to catch up and he was finishing the next sentence out loud by the time each slowly voiced word washed over him. He clung to the warmth tightly, just listening.

_"An Italian restaurant. In the middle of ...?"_

"Chinatown," he automatically completed the phrase on a monotone whisper of sound. He heard the question clear as a bell. He knew its answer. One simple word. He could that because he ...  _knew_  how it should be. The word brought a feeling of success and yet, something more too. Exhaustion tapped at his reserves, draining him even as another word came next.

_A name? Steve's. Steve. Both place and ... person._

Something shifted in his perspective and he argued his growing fatigue. His eyes were refusing to stay open. His body was fighting him in earnest to rest. He was shaking now and growing breathless, but he needed to understand. Anxious that his trust was misplaced, he fought himself to  _understand_  because this was so very, very important.

_Steve's. Steve. Both place and person._

"No more. Rest ... just rest." Mildly tangible things teased his senses which both comforted and made him feel safe while his body was enveloped in a warmth which he dared to recognize.

 _Steve_. The itch eased as the name came naturally without him needing to think.  _The name. The person._  He reached for him and heard ... no he felt ...  _him_.

"Rest ... just rest."

He wanted to object his body's failings, but he didn't know how to wake up. It was too hard and he'd grown far too tired to even try. Worse yet, he didn't know  _how_  to get there. Nonetheless, as his body was gently rocked within a circle of warmth, his anxiety began to ease. He was no longer afraid of losing the light and so Danny did what Steve told him to do: he slept.

 

**H5O* H5O**

Steve now knew why Danny was so very exhausted. He stayed on his knees for a bit longer, simply staring into a face that wasn't as passive as it had been for the last many days. He was a ball of pent up energy now with a smile that knew no bounds. Believing he was doing the right thing, Steve exercised certain instructions he'd been given by the doctors. He even acknowledged that he was cherry-picking certain pieces of advice just to suit his own needs. But that was okay. Quietly, he shuttled Danny back into the house to the spare bedroom. With utmost care and without too much trouble, Steve eased Danny from wheelchair to bed. As the doctors had recommended, Danny needed a predictable environment and a great deal of rest to heal. Though it was a beautiful day, sitting upright with his chin on his chest - in a wheelchair - sure as hell was not it. And nothing could be more predictable than the peace of a pleasantly quiet bedroom.

"Just sleep," Steve said as he briefly loitered by the bed. He studied Danny's face and decided that he looked tired. He wondered if Danny actually did sleep or if he was just stuck inside some halfway place. A limbo of sorts. One of the doctors had suggested a study. A test. More tests. To see if Danny was achieving some kind of REM state, but Steve had begun to draw lines and decline certain additional tests which seemed to lack value. That had been one of those which Steve had tossed to the wayside.

He sighed thoughtfully now though. Still. Even if that test might not be warranted, after what had just happened, a call to Danny's primary doctors might be a smart choice.

"Steve? Everything okay?" So lost in thought over Danny's accomplishments and what he should do next, Steve whirled around before his brain could catch up with the fact Lou Grover was in his house. Fist raised, he reacted on gut instincts and old fashioned muscle memory.

"Whoa!" Lou said. "It's just me!" He backed up quickly, both hands high but smiling gamely.

"Lou!" He practically barked the older man's name out before catching himself and dropping his voice to just above a whisper. Barely. "What the hell's wrong with you?" Steve admonished the older man as he stopped himself from lashing out.

"Me? Nothing," Lou drawled softly. He rocked his shoulder against the door-frame, acting as if he were completely unaffected by the close call. "But not only are you jumpy, you're also off your game if I can get all the damned way into your house and you don't notice."

Steve made a face as he lowered his voice. "Well, I'm a little busy ... Danny ..."

"So I see. It's a little early even for a nap," Lou said. It was apparent that he was worried as he nodded towards where Danny was sleeping. "He all right?"

Steve grinned then, surprising the man. "Oh yeah. Pretty damned good, actually."

"Well don't just stand there," Lou said with a soft smile. "What happened?"

Nodding towards the other rooms, Steve moved to the kitchen. He was indeed jumpy or maybe it was that he was still excited about the vast improvements which he was anxious to tell Lou about. He felt almost stupidly giddy as he shared the news.

"He's coming out of it," Steve said. "He spoke a bit ... the triggers ... he heard me, Lou. He  _heard_  me and he answered as best as he could. But it's taking a lot out of him and he's exhausted. He shut down right after."

Lou laughed, pleased with the update and Steve was completely incapable of wiping what he was sure was a goofy grin off his face.

"Doctors?" Lou asked.

"I think, yeah," Steve said, knowing what the question was. "I'll call and bring them up to speed ... get some advice ..."

"Because that was so helpful before," Lou interrupted ruefully and Steve laughed out right. Neither one of them had been too enthused with the initial results and feedback.

"I don't plan on taking him anywhere just yet," Steve explained. "No tests. Nothing that would be ... invasive. But they need to know and when he's ready to be really checked out, they'll be current on his progress. For now, I don't want to change a thing though. He's coming out of it here. Here at home. For whatever reason ... I'm not taking the risk on causing something. I can't ... he  _can't_  ... "

Steve stumbled over his last few words, uneasy that they'd possibly lose Danny anyway after that morning's progress. His brain practically short-circuited at the thought.

"I get it." Lou nodded in agreement and smirked. "But I dunno why you'd say for  _whatever_  reason. That's damned obvious. What did I tell you before, huh? He needs to be with family. O'hana. And time ... he just needs time." But then he cocked his head inquisitively towards Steve, his eyes sharp.

"I'm fine ...," Steve began to say, already knowing what this particular look meant.

"No. Listen," the older man insisted. "I swung by to check in on you more than Danny. I know he's in good hands - really the best hands ..."

"I'm fine, Lou," Steve said, taking his opportunity to interrupt. Lou was shaking his head though and striding forward to grab Steve by his arms to give him a strong shake.

"You may think so but I want you to get out of the house for a while," Lou said. His tone was firm and he had a look on his face which Steve hadn't ever seen before. "Especially now, you're practically vibrating inside your own skin. We got good news today ... go for a run or a swim. Work some steam off, Steve. You've been shutting me and practically everyone else down when it comes to giving you some real relief, man. So right now, I'm insisting that it's my turn to babysit our boy. If he's gonna sleep for a few hours, you can't argue with me that the timing is perfect. The doctors can wait even. Go."

Steve automatically shook his head to the negative, but he was hardly committed to really refusing. His reaction was a steadfast knee-jerk need to decline and Lou knew it, too, as he raised an eyebrow. He made a confused sound under his breath and rocked in place, itching to move and desperate for a break but already wondering if he should or if the guilt would do him in ... or, worse yet ... if something might happen if he dared ... He glanced towards the hallway and the bedroom and then, unable to help himself, he looked outside, waffling badly between commitment and need.

"I don't know, Lou...," Steve said. "Suppose ..."

"If there's one thing I've learned after moving to this rock, it's that O'hana means everyone," Lou added softly and Steve had to smile broadly as he looked into Lou's face. The older man had certainly learned a few things. He also had Steve's number that morning and he could hardly argue any of his points.

"Nothing's going to happen. I'd swear that on a stack of bibles. Go on, Steve. Get the hell out of here."

_**~ to be continued ~** _


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any characters. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Notes: here we go - I hope that it doesn't disappoint. Ongoing huge, immense and some very serious THANKS to Phoebe (yah! Thump that wordy bunny!) and Swifters for multiple (and I do mean multiple) sanity checks and much moral support.

 

**H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O**

 

Steve never knew when his head hit the pillow that night. He'd checked on Danny again - to reassure himself _again_ \- that he was okay since nothing more had been forthcoming that day. He'd even made a decision to hold off on calling Danny's doctors. Strangely though, and even with Lou having stayed late into the evening hours, hoping that Danny might finally shake himself more awake, Steve couldn't be disappointed. He felt that things were on the right track and so, he'd let his body give up its own fight to get some badly needed rest.

He'd taken the opposite side of the bed nearest the door and then hadn't remembered much of anything else. His last waking thought was that Lou had designed all of it just so he _would_ sleep. The break in the stressful routine. His swim. The orchestrated delivery of more food than any single one of them could eat in a week. All of it. In fact, only then did Steve realize that he hadn't even called the man at all; that Lou had simply shown up and then over-stayed his welcome until Steve could barely keep his eyes open. Lou had planned those things out. As he'd laid there, his body literally collapsing in relief, Steve had murmured an unintelligible sound reminiscent of Lou's caring subterfuge and that had been it ... until that very moment.

Steve opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling. Something had woken him. The house was quiet and yet ... something felt off. There was a soft rustling in the room, the sensation of being watched and on instinct, he flung his arm to the side, protectively, to shield Danny from whatever the danger might be while sitting up in one fluid motion. But Danny's side of the bed was _empty_ ... completely empty. The sheets weren't even warm anymore and Steve surged out of the bed, sending the lightweight blanket to the floor.

"Danny!" Steve exclaimed softly, shocked to see the familiar shape standing silently at the foot of the bed. The soft glint of blond was obvious, as was the silhouette itself. Danny was up and just standing there in the dim light of the room. While there certainly wasn't anything physically wrong with his partner, this marked the first time that Danny had done anything voluntarily on his own since meeting Kang that night.

"Easy," Steve whispered softly, uncertain of how to proceed. His eyes were used to the low light in the room. He'd taken to using night lights throughout the house to avoid absolute darkness. Just another thing which made sense to Steve partly for himself and also for Danny ... just in case he ever woke up. Steve hadn't wanted him to wake in the dark; it was an innate feeling which he'd had about right and wrong. How best to help Danny re-acclimate ... whatever the hell that meant. No matter the reason, Steve was certainly glad he'd had that foresight despite never really anticipating something quite like this.

While this was unexpected, Steve couldn't help smiling as he slowly rounded the bed, stopping just shy of his partner when he could clearly see the sparkle of blue as Danny's eyes picked up the subtle lighting. He studied Danny's face and narrowed his eyes in consideration. He was being closely tracked. Of that, he had no doubt. However, and Steve's heart fell just a bit taking his smile with it. Danny's expression was disconcerting. Even if wasn't as blank, his eyes looked frighteningly haunted and he wasn't quite... there.

"Hey buddy," Steve said. "What's going on, _huh_? Do you know where you are ... who I am?" He moved closer never taking his eyes from Danny's face while persistently trying to evaluate the situation. There was a lot of good to be said about this event - that Danny was up on his own and that he was absolutely tracking Steve's movements. This was bigger than what had happened in the morning and all of these things were major pluses even if Danny still wasn't entirely with him yet. He was on the cusp of that happening and Steve would manage the fall out ... if there was any.

Steve was on the verge of repeating his simple questions when Danny raised his hand and Steve froze in place, like a deer stuck in headlights. As slowly as Steve had been moving, Danny raised his hand and reached out to him. He gently traced Steve's chin and then his lips. Steve held his ground as the softness of Danny's fingertips took his breath away. If anything could have unraveled and shattered his ability to manage or control Danny's recovery, it was this. As Danny's fingers gently traced his cheek and then his neck, Steve had to take a brief moment to simply close his eyes and find a way to settle around his selfish desire to savor the feather-light touch. It was almost impossible for him to just let it happen but he needed to wait.

"Danno?" He exhaled a shallow breath not knowing what to say or do when Danny's hand dropped limply down to his side. He vainly trying to calm himself as he looked hopefully back into Danny's face, slightly annoyed with himself for being so limited in knowing what to do - how to help. Danny's eyes were more glassy than Steve would have liked to see but again, and Steve had to tell himself, there were some significant positives. The obvious being that Danny was up - standing on his own. This incredible fact that Danny was nearly interacting with him. Controlling his rising excitement, Steve forced himself to wait, happy with what was going on - what he _saw_. The thoughtful wrinkles around Danny's eyes were more pronounced than they'd been earlier that morning, as if he were trying to figure something out. Danny _was_ fighting.

"Are you going to talk to me this time?" Steve softly tried to prompt him. Danny looked tired, confused, possibly even badly troubled by some kind of not-so-distant memory and Steve felt a spark of anger for Greer ... Kang ... the whole damned CIA who'd put Danny in harm's way. Right then, as Danny continued to stare at him, Steve wanted nothing more than to pull Danny in ... reel him back ... but he couldn't. Not yet. Timing was going to be key and so, the only thing which he could think to do was to fall back upon the same old, over-used, over-tired litany of questions all over again.

"The _restaurant_ in Chinatown … it's waiting for you ... for us," Steve began, stressing the key triggers as always. It would work this time. He could feel it as Danny blinked more rapidly. " _Chinatown_. Danny ... come on ... listen to what I'm saying. Are you going to talk to me this time? I know how much you love this _pineapple_ infested hell-hole; you tell me that all the damned time."

Ever persistent, he pressed on, ducking his head and trying to recapture Danny's attention when his iffy gaze seemed to shift away from him and lose some of its intensity. This wasn't going to be all they accomplished this time. Not by a long-shot.

"Oh no you don't," Steve said more sternly. "Not this time. No more of this bullshit. I know you remember _Steve's_ … our stupid-ass, damned _restaurant_ in _Chinatown_ … come on, Danny ... you're so close. Say it. An Italian restaurant. In the middle of what ...?"

"... Chinatown," Danny murmured like a parrot, his tone bland.

"Good boy," Steve said softly, inordinately pleased. Step one was still there. Still in place. But Steve cocked his head to the side when their eyes unconsciously locked. Danny was closer to the surface; Steve could literally see it. He just needed to find that tipping point. This was another new opportunity which Steve grabbed with both hands.

"What else?" He insisted, speaking slowly and very specifically. "Danny ... What. Else?"

Steve waited, holding his breath, watching as Danny seemed to slowly digest his demand. There was a soft intake of air and then Danny's lips moved soundlessly for a moment. He looked every bit as if he were trying to remember how to marry up his brain to his mouth; he was definitely searching for words. What he did manage to eventually say, took Steve completely by surprise though.

"I ...I can't _find_ you," Danny said. Even though his face was turned upwards now towards Steve, his eyes glistening blue, Steve wasn't so sure that Danny really saw him. Or, even believed that he was there. "Why can't I find you?" He asked plaintively.

"Ah, Danno," Steve whispered miserably as Danny reached out to him again. "Where are you in that head of yours?"

His mind raced as he wondered if this could be a waking nightmare; some kind of night terror. Danny's hand was trembling as he softly skimmed the outline of Steve's lips with his index finger. As if to match his words, his expression was now desolate ... _lost_ ... and Steve felt his heart break in two.

"I can't ... I can't _find_ you. I don't know how. There's ... nothing _here_."

"No, Danny. No, I'm here," Steve replied soothingly. "I'm right here, buddy." He fought his desire to hold him even as his worry spiked. Something was making him wait as Danny began to physically waver. Soft tremors were rippling throughout his body. His hands were clenching and unclenching; almost as a nervous twitch. If what was happening right now might mimic the morning's events, then this was going to hit Danny harder than ever before and yet, Steve _had_ to wait. The balance was slender and they were absolutely at a critical crossroads. Anxiety on the rise, Steve could sense the critical point coming. He needed to exercise caution - not stopping but not pushing too hard either - the wrong move or word from him would destroy this chance entirely.

"How do I find you?" Danny whispered again.

Heart in his mouth, an inspiration came then and Steve raised his voice, his tone very firm. "Trust me, Danno. I found _you._ Do you understand me? _I_ found _you_."

Brow furrowed, Danny stilled entirely. He seemed to mull this over to such an extent that Steve wound up holding his breath again. Something seemed to be changing and Steve's heart was somewhere in his throat. He refused to think this a negative. Danny might have been shaking from stress, but this _had_ to be a good thing.

"Danny? Do you know what I'm saying?" Steve repeated slowly. "Do you understand that _I_ found you and that you're safe now? You're _home_ Danno and you're safe."

Steve dared to step closer. On his next softly voiced words, his voice broke with emotion when Danny's eyes followed him in, that brow still creased in heavy concentration.

"Our _restaurant_ in _Chinatown_ ... _Steve's_ ," he said as he had so many, many times before. "Can't you _feel_ me? I'm right here, buddy." His eyes bore into Danny's blue, wanting to believe that he was seeing some clarity there despite the confusion. Carefully, he placed both his hands on Danny's shoulders, his actions slow, his touch warm. He ignored the way Danny seemed to judder in favor of gaining this simple level of awareness.

"Danny, trust me. You don't need to try so hard because _I_ found _you_. You don't have to look so hard anymore. So, I need you to tell me ... what's my name?" Steve whispered. "Say it."

This time, Danny simply _had_ to say his name. It was a necessary truth in this monumental screw up of a mission. If Danny could just make it beyond these last few hurdles, Steve knew that things would turn around for the better, permanently. "Tell me," he repeated softly, but sternly. "I need to know you're with me. Just ... try."

There was a long, long pause and then Danny's mouth moved. His head tipped almost quizzically to the left and he stared back at Steve as if considering the demand and then the best reply. He studied Steve's face closely. For those few long seconds, Steve felt a twinge of fear returning. Maybe this was a fluke or some other ... but _no_. No that just wouldn't make sense after the successes they'd had earlier in the day, tracking all the way to that very moment. Now was the time and they were going to take this leap forward. Danny's eyes were indeed more clear and Steve could literally sense the wheels beginning to turn inside his partner's stubborn head and Steve gently squeezed both of Danny's shoulders, determined to win.

"What's my name," Steve said it as a challenge, his thumbs now on either side of Danny's neck as if the warmth of his hands might make that difference. "Come on, buddy. Who am I?" The pause was still longer than Steve would have liked, but finally ... _finally_ ... Danny spoke.

"Steve. You're ...Steve," Danny murmured, his voice soft and maybe just a little bit raspy, but not too unsure. He stared at Steve as if re-familiarizing himself with every plane of Steve's face and then most incredibly ... _smiled_. A genuine smile which reached his eyes and began to destroy the remnants of Kang's horrid experiment.

"Yeah," Steve said as he felt his eyes well up with tears. "This is good, Danno ... so, so good." His voice broke and he had to find something to say ... anything ... a nearly impossible feat when his lips seemed down-right numb. "Oh my God," he whispered under his breath. "This ... it's huge. Danny." He ducked his head, rubbing his forehead against his upper arm. It was was hopeless though because his composure was leaving him at a mind-boggling rate.

"Steve?" Danny asked as he searched Steve's face. "You're ... here? Really?" He was blinking madly now and trembling under Steve's hands. Still clearly confused, with dread mounting, Steve could feel the exhausted crash that was soon to come despite Danny's growing level of awareness. It was frightening to think that it could happen so quickly. What was worse, was that it was fast dawning on Steve that Danny might be back _there_ \- at that terrible point in time. Maybe with Greer - or - and Steve needed to tread lightly because that would also mean that _Kang_ \- and that damned deprivation tank - was also just around the corner within Danny's mind. That dangerous ground was best tabled until some future point when Danny was ready. Likely when Steve had contacted his doctors and then, only brought up in their presence. Not now though. Which meant that Steve's twenty-three days of hell were just that: his alone.

" _Shhh_. It's all right and yeah, I'm here. Like I said, I found you and you're okay ... take things slow now, Danny. Can you do that for me?" Steve asked as he leaned in, unable from stopping himself from placing a kiss to the side of Danny's head. "Everything's fine. One step at a time."

"No." Danny shook his head though, closing his eyes in frustration. He raised his hands to place them over Steve's where they were still gently resting on his shoulders and then peered up into his face. He was struggling badly to find the right words and breathing harshly, his anxiety increasing too fast. "There's ... more ... something ... _bad._ "

Worried about Danny's real level of awareness and where this might lead, Steve tried to shush him, but in his obstinate way, Danny touched his temple in frustration. "Sorry ... Steve ...can't think, right. It's ... about Greer. Maybe? What ... what's wrong with me?"

" _Shhh_. Take it easy. Nothing's wrong with you, Danno. Nothing at all," Steve said quietly, trying to pacify Danny's ongoing fears and alleviate some of his obvious apprehension. The last thing Steve needed or wanted was for Danny to remember Kang - not now. Maybe not ever.

"Don't worry about Greer. We know ... it's okay, Danno. It's all right. Sit down."

As he said those words, he felt the collapse beginning and Steve half caught him as Danny's knees began to buckle. "Sit ... right here," he said as he guided Danny to the edge of the mattress. "How're you feeling, _huh_?" Mind still racing, Steve mentally chastised himself for not calling Danny's doctors earlier. Now, he began to reconsider that decision, no matter the hour. Then again, no one could have predicted this.

"You ... you have a shit taste in women," Danny blurted unexpectedly and Steve's mouth gaped wide in disbelief. Danny's raw and unfiltered comment was so unexpectedly _Danny_ , that Steve had to bark out a surprised laugh.

"I won't argue that one," Steve agreed as he fell onto his knees, searching his partner's face. "Danny?" With utmost care, Steve hesitated before needing to gather Danny into his arms. "God, I love you," he whispered when Danny didn't object, kissing the top of his head, then his cheek. "I missed you so much. You did good," he whispered incredulously as he ran his fingers over Danny's cheek and then carded them softly through his hair. "I'm so proud of you, Danno ... so happy that you're back."

He grinned, no matter Danny's confusion, because that confusion was part and parcel too of what he'd gone through. He'd explain everything later. Now though? Now he virtually inhaled Danny's rediscovered vitality, drinking in the ever-increasing clarity within his eyes, and wanting only to touch and hold him. Steve couldn't help doting on Danny as he tenderly cupped his cheek, helpless to stop a tear or two from rolling down his cheeks.

"What's wrong?" Danny questioned, brow furrowed even more as he gently thumbed the moisture from Steve's cheek and Steve couldn't stop himself from grabbing Danny's hand and turning it over to kiss his palm.

"Not a thing. I'm okay," Steve murmured as he strangled on his next inhale, lost in the moment when Danny looked around for the first time. _Really_ looked around to see the bedroom and was clearly baffled. Steve smiled fondly as Danny's mouth gaped open wide and then he shook his head. If that simple action didn't validate that Danny was coming back to him one hundred and ten percent, then Steve had no idea what would. He almost relished it as Danny stubbornly dug in despite how tired and confused he was.

"How'd we get ... _home_?" Danny asked.

"I brought you home so you could rest," Steve said as he leaned in to cup Danny's face between his hands. "That's all, buddy ... just ... you need to take it easy and rest, all right? So, I just want to make sure that you're okay." He was trying not to ramble or alarm his partner. And even though he did need to make quite a few phone calls, that task was going to have to wait, as well. Everyone and everything would just have to wait. He smiled through his tears and then kissed Danny on the lips despite the way that Danny was still trying process what he was saying - get a handle on _where_ he was.

"I don't understand," Danny murmured as he rubbed tiredly at his forehead. He blinked owlishly into Steve's face before reaching up to gently touch Steve's cheek. His fingers were shaking as he tried to figure out what was going on. "I couldn't find you before ... I don't remember ... I dunno ...I looked, but you weren't there. Then ... _something_ ..." His voice faded away and then Danny paused entirely, wavering in place and adopting a pensive, faraway look which made Steve quickly intervene.

"No. No, Danny! Look at me and forget all of that. I want you to focus _here_ , on me. This is real ... you and me, are real," Steve whispered adamantly. "So, so real Danno. Don't even _think_ that it's not. I found you ... you're safe and it's over." Steve attempted to smile but he losing himself to his own raw feelings of love and tenderness as Danny stared so openly and trustingly into his face.

"I love you. That's all," Steve mouthed repeatedly as he layered kisses over each of Danny's eyes, his nose and then settled back on his mouth purposefully inhaling Danny's confusion. Smiling when Danny tried to kiss him back. Using each kiss as a way to confirm the promises that Danny'd been found and that he was truly safe with Steve. Kissing Danny was also a way for Steve to try and quell his own tide of emotions. That attempt was poor enough though. Steve was helpless to lose a quiet sob into Danny's neck when Danny simply wrapped his arms around him and wearily, placed his head on Steve's shoulder. And though his voice was soft, Steve clearly heard Danny murmur that he loved him, too.

_**~ to be continued ~** _


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any characters. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Notes: bad, crazy week and lost muse ... a tad derailed but not too badly me-thinks. Phoebe has the patience of a saint - truly!   It's hard to tell based on just how long this chapter wound up being! 

 

**H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O**

 

"Where is he?" Danny heard Lou Grover ask from the kitchen.

As soon as the sun had started to rise over the horizon, Steve had told Danny that he would call Lou. Until that time, they'd laid in bed together lazily looking at each other and taking comfort in their closeness. Contentedly dozing while facing each other without so much as sharing a single word. In truth, some of their silence was because each was duly worn out in their own way. Steve mentally and physically spent from a complex cocktail of worry which had been spiked with far too much adrenalin. His over-taxed system countered his ability to truly rest. And Danny, because each mental step towards clarity seemed more mountain than speed bump. At dawn and true to his word, Steve had pressed a gentle kiss to Danny's lips, smiling happily at Danny's slightly offended rebuttal to his question: that _of course he knew who Lou was_ , before Steve had left to call the man.

As also predicted, Lou then hadn't wasted any time in coming over to the house. Still in bed now, Danny was mildly intrigued by Lou's prompt arrival, but too tired to actually care enough to get up. According to Steve, that was perfectly all right. The only thing Danny needed to do was in fact, rest.

"In bed," Steve said. "He's tired but gaining ground."

Danny heard the obvious reply and closed his eyes while simply listening to their soft conversation, focusing more so though on Steve's voice. It washed over him, the words unimportant in favor of the deep sound. "Like before ... he's exhausted. Whatever's going on - this process - it wipes him out. So, he's awake but still out of sorts. But, Lou, he's so much better."

There was a pause followed by a pleased chuckle and Danny perked up just enough to hear Lou.

"Good, good ... that's great news." Lou said. " Do I have to say I told you so? He just needed some time… And to be home." There was a smile in his voice even if his next question sounded very serious. "Has he said anything about ... well, you know?"

Danny didn't catch Steve's reply and that was all right. Some of their brief conversation was puzzling to him. He even lacked the energy to question why he was letting so much go to the wayside. Part of his brain chastised his laziness but, blaming it on being tired, Danny allowed himself to drift. For a long while, he was content to merely listen to the low hum of conversation. He was still having trouble putting two and two together. His thought processes felt ... slow ... _muddy_ for a lack of a better description.

Nevertheless, as the soft patter of conversation continued in the other room, Danny found that he couldn't stay still for long either. His mind wandered and he found himself questioning why Steve had insisted on calling Lou in the first place. He wondered at Lou's arrival at such an early hour and without evident complaint. Unwillingly, Danny trudged a few mental steps backwards. What had Steve said to Lou's first and rather harmless first question?

" _Like before ... he's exhausted. Whatever's going on - this process - it wipes him out."_

 _Process_? Danny realized he had no clue as to what Steve meant. But that word wasn't the real issue, was it?

"Before ...," Danny murmured to himself. He squinted his eyes open as he considered what Steve had really said. _"Like before"._ So, this had happened to him before then and that point finally got Danny's attention. _Before_ ... was bad and he knew that with every fiber of his being. As he lay there in bed, he couldn't prevent himself from tensing up and feeling ... what? He felt ... trapped. Lost even and a distant voice suddenly rattled threateningly through his head.

_"...the brain blanks ... it switches ... off."_

Danny almost stopped breathing as he worked at forcing his brain to function through a spike of deep-seated fear. _Greer_ had been near him and ... someone else. A very dangerous man - the owner of this new elusive voice. A tiny piece of the puzzle snapped into place. Whatever this meant, Steve was protecting him. From Greer - all of the CIA - likely even from that damned ship ... the Arcturus? Another memory teased at Danny when the ship's name came to mind. Greer and this man had been on the Arcturus with him and Danny's eyes snapped fully open in reaction to a visceral rush of anxiety. Part of him immediately begged him to let it all go and yet, he refused the urge. _The ship_ \- something _bad_ had happened on the mission and he'd been deluding himself as he'd let his body drift along while Steve and Lou held a private conversation in the kitchen.

He was tense and on edge just thinking about the blurred things he could recall. So, why wasn't he questioning more of just about everything when it was't his nature to sit idly by? As his hands began to shake and an undefinable sense of fear made his stomach clench, Danny began to wonder about what the heck was wrong with him ... and _why_?

Better yet, why the _hell_ was he ... _here_ ... at _home_ when he didn't recall getting there from the ship?

"Shit," he murmured to himself as the questions began to pile upon each other inside his head. With a methodical patience, he made himself take a deep breath. What was the last thing he could count on remembering? Was it having walked the pier? No, it couldn't only be the pier because he'd remembered Greer and she'd come later.

He remembered _Greer_ as the double-agent and Steve hadn't argued the point. Therefore, Danny was spot on that the female agent was indeed the mole within the CIA. That was pure fact, so Danny fought for more, imagining the woman's face and then trying to figure out precisely when he'd seen her. But only an odd image of her came to him. A silhouette back-lit by a shimmering display of silvery-blue colors undulating against a dark gray background. Much like the reflection of water shining under a full moon.

How did that make sense though? He couldn't figure it out and Danny groaned under his breath as he came full circle back to wondering why Steve was protecting him. Something taunted him about the man. Something dark and cruelly twisted. The whisper inside his head hinted at this man's name and for an inexplicable moment, Danny felt his anxiety ramp up even more to the point where he actually felt sick to his stomach. Though he'd much rather curl up back under the covers, Danny kicked free of the blankets and forced himself to his feet. The sickly feeling didn't abate and he pulled himself over to the open window to breathe in the crisp morning air. When he felt a bit better and less like his stomach might decide to dry-heave, he made his way to the kitchen.

"Speak of the devil," Lou said as Danny entered the room. He smiled brightly and Danny returned a tired grin. "You have no idea how good it is to see up and around."

"Hi Lou," Danny said already trying to read between the lines of Lou's simple welcome. Eyes narrowed not only against the brighter natural light, but also in consideration of Lou's last comment, Danny mentally chewed on the words and then stared directly at Steve.

"Hey, good morning," Steve said with a pleased smile. "You still look a little tired. You okay ... hungry maybe?" His tone was hopeful and Danny almost felt bad that he was going to potentially ruin that with a question of his own. The best and most rational one he could come up with to ask.

"No, not hungry. I have a question and I want an answer. How long?" Danny countered without preamble. "I need to know how long."

"How long ... what?" Steve asked carefully, his warm smile quickly fading from his face. He was immediately uncomfortable and no matter how out of sorts Danny might be right then, it was obvious that Steve already knew precisely what he meant.

"How _long_ have I been _here_?" Danny reiterated his question very specifically while gesturing around the kitchen. He sighed tiredly when Steve made a face and so, pointed at Lou as part of the baffling situation he was finding himself stuck in. "You called Lou. He's here because the two of you are worried about me. So, I'm missing something in this massive equation. When did the mission end, Steve? Really. When did it _really_ end because here I am at home, thinking that it ended maybe ... oh a day or two ago ... "

"Oh shit ... he doesn't know," Lou muttered out loud and not so softly, very much surprised. Danny looked from Steve to Lou and then settled back on Steve's face. Lou was indeed shocked. Stunned actually and Danny swallowed hard, feeling decidedly more off-balance than ever before. This wasn't boding well but it was certainly doing a good job at making him wake the hell up.

"Not a day or two, huh?" Danny challenged back. "What don't I know? How long has it been ... spill, Steven."

"A few ... days," Steve offered after a long hesitation. "You were ..."

"I'm sorry? A few _days_ because ... because I was what?" Danny interrupted, feeling a bit annoyed. "I feel like I just woke up from having the worst, most God-awfullest nightmare ... I remember Greer ... other things ... stuff that doesn't make sense ... it's not adding up. Me. You. Lou. That I'm here - at home? Even the bits and pieces of conversation that I heard from you guys. And don't change the subject either ... I want a nice whole and very round number. So right now, tell me, how long ago did the mission end?"

Steve swallowed hard and paled considerably. He glanced towards Lou who was equally ill-at-ease about the situation which Danny had prompted.

"I'm waiting," Danny said impatiently when neither of them responded. "Come on, how bad can it be? Like two or three, or maybe even four days?"

"No. It's been a little longer than that." Steve shook his head to the contrary on each count and literally winced when Danny's mouth fell open in surprise. Steve fidgeted uneasily, pausing good and long before replying. "No, Danny. More like twenty-three," he finally stated.

"What?" Danny blurted in disbelief.

"Twenty-three," Steve repeated softly. "The mission ended twenty-three days ago, Danny." He inhaled sharply, taking another moment to gather himself together. Squaring off his shoulders, his tone adopted even more of an official-sounding monotone. The change in Steve's demeanor was noticeable, capturing Danny's attention fully and he stared at Steve hard, trying to digest every single word.

"Overall the mission was a success. You provided the right level of intel exactly as rehearsed and over the last many days, the CIA has slowly been dis-assembling the Chinese network. Despite that though, Agent Greer got away in the process. The CIA is pursuing active leads with current sightings potentially in Thailand. Most importantly, you did good and 5-0's work is done."

Danny continued to stare at his partner in disbelief. Twenty-three days was impossible. He started there and then dragged himself forward. He'd also heard everything which Steve had said. Maybe not so impossible, but he didn't remember any single part of it. Plus, Steve was acting as if he were providing a bland and very factual military debriefing by rote to some stuffy, old tribunal. Steve wasn't only hiding something from him, Steve was having more than a difficult time managing his emotions, and to do it, he was taking refuge in old training habits.

"I did good ...," Danny noted quietly, his gaze was piercing as he studied Steve's face. If he'd done so well, why couldn't he remember it and how in hell, had he lost twenty-three days in the process? And was that what Steve had meant by this process wiping him out? Sure, Danny was tired and his brain was a sluggish mess, but Danny shook his head because things weren't adding up. He forced himself to think not about what he couldn't quite remember, but why Steve would be acting the way he was. He returned to the critical truth that Steve was protecting him. Therefore, some part of the mission had gone south in a very big way, ergo the truly mind-boggling loss of time and his own loss of memory.

How in hell had he lost twenty-three days in its doing? Danny blinked rapidly at that sheer volume of time, not quite understanding the number at all. He cocked his head to the left and held up a finger, feeling decidedly lop-sided and as if the floor might literally slide out from underneath his bare feet.

"Twenty-three ... _days_?" He repeated. "Like ... _days_?" He still couldn't manage the math in his head even when Steve reluctantly nodded.

"Yeah, days," Steve softly affirmed. He shifted his feet by where he was standing near the counter and lost all of his formal mannerisms. Once again, his expression was brooding and plagued by worry for Danny. "The first seven, you were at Tripler and then I pulled you out of there ... they couldn't help you ... and I, well we, the team, we all thought it best that you come here to recover. So the mission ended twenty-three days ago and you've been here, at home, going on sixteen."

"Tripler? I don't remember ... I don't remember that at all," Danny muttered. He'd been hospitalized? Danny shook his head in confusion. How could he not know that? He looked at his hands, not entirely surprised anymore to see that they were still shaking and maybe even more than before. Rather than feeling better, he was incredibly unsettled now.

"Why don't you sit down?" Lou suggested. He pulled a chair out from the table, as worried as Steve and as helpful as always, but Danny stayed rooted to where he was standing. His legs felt numb and he wasn't quite sure he could even safely take one step, let alone two.

"Help me? Help me _how_?" Danny asked quietly into his hands. "How did I tell them?" He was half talking to himself, trying to will himself to remember something of value. The blur of his fingers shifted and then suddenly sharpened back into individual digits. Suddenly he knew how he must have divulged the faked intel, but he wanted to hear it out loud. "How did I drop the intel?"

This was the real question, wasn't it? If he couldn't remember getting roughed up or being questioned, then _how_ had he been forced to divulge the pre-ordained intel? As chills continually wracked his body and his brain refused to function properly, he was his own physical body of evidence. Danny snorted through his nose as a cold shudder rippled through his chest. He didn't need any more proof, he needed answers. He needed to understand.

"Danny?"

He ignored Steve in favor of continuing to stare at his hands and then blinked again feeling dizzy when they blurred into whitish smudges of nothingness while concentrating on what happened even before the mission had kicked off. Those memories were still there. The CiA had warned of brainwashing attempts by the Chinese and Steve had been forthright in his want to refuse 5-0 participation. Danny had been mildly amused by the concept; disbelieving in its success because the Williams clan was indeed an obstinate bunch and he'd not be in that long anyway. What could possibly be done to him in a few hours?

 _Get in and get out._ That had been the mission's mantra ... let Danny get abducted just long enough to dump the faked intel and then get him out. If he'd not much faith in the CIA protecting him, he'd had all the faith in the world in Steve and his team. So what did all of this mean then? Had he really been brainwashed?

"Danno ... sit down ..." Though he heard Steve again, Danny still ignored him as he dwelled stubbornly on a few other things. If he were to believe Steve that he'd successfully dropped the intel and the CIA was slowly going after the Chinese network as planned, what had gone wrong? Danny shuddered uncontrollably. He felt the trill of a very reactive alarm rocket through his nerve-endings. He'd lost weeks and couldn't _remember_.

Greer was part of it but it had been _Kang_ , the Chinese man who had so deftly injected him on the pier. Danny closed his eyes, rocking on his feet. He could literally feel the color draining from his face as Kang's name practically crashed through his brain and on the heels of that, an echo of his voice.

_'...the brain blanks ... it switches ... off._

' _Kang_ ,' he mouthed silently. The dots were still scattered inside his head, but the smooth voice echoing there was Kang's voice and Danny tried to will himself to remember more even though he could feel the physical strain. They'd been inside the ship and yet there'd been water. His uncooperative memories of Greer and Kang brought that silvery-blue sheen of a reflection with them and that was ... _bad_. He was growing tense, emotional and his entire body was beginning to vibrate.

"Danny ..."

"Huh?" He pushed out stupidly in response to Steve's voice. He looked up, his vision oddly cloudy, surprised to see Steve almost nose to nose with him. One of Steve's hands was cupping his check, the other was wrapped firmly around his bicep, the heat of his fingers were seeping into skin that was unnaturally cold. Lou was right behind Steve and where the older man's expression was full of concern, Steve looked down-right terrified.

"You back with me now?" Steve asked. "Danny? Focus on me. Only on me." When he didn't answer right away, he felt Steve's fingers travel across his cheekbone and into his hair before a kiss was pressed to his temple. "Hey. Look at me, buddy, and breathe. You feel like ice, what just happened?" Steve whispered urgently.

"Yeah," Danny murmured automatically as he tried to focus on Steve's face. They were going round-robin and Danny frowned in confusion because Steve had now wrapped both his hands around each of his biceps and was either holding him up or hoping to center him; or both. Maybe it was both because Danny's legs felt incredibly weak. And he felt ... nauseous. Danny felt sick to his stomach.

"What's going on ... talk to me," Steve was scared and practically pleading with him. "You checked out on me ...sit down ... come on, buddy. You need to take things a lot slower. " Danny shook his head about all of that though because, no, he hadn't checked out at all and he didn't want to sit down. He'd just thought of something else.

"No. Nothing. I'm good," Danny insisted even though he felt sick inside and incredibly off-balance. Almost as if he was having some awful, out of body experience. With an effort and to Steve's dismay, he pulled out of Steve's hands and backed up a few steps. Steve had wanted to scrub the mission up until the very end. He'd made Danny memorize words, phrases to snap him out of whatever the Chinese might have done to mess with his head.

 _Triggers_ Steve had called them, just in case the Chinese' tactics had really worked. Each of those triggers had been words only they'd really know to use in such an obscure way. The restaurant maybe not so jokingly called _Steve's_ on the fringes of Chinatown or, Danny's addition to the exercise because it seemed fitting, hadn't it since it all was happening on this pineapple infested rock in the middle of nowhere. The place he'd fallen in love with ... _and Steve, Danny had fallen in love there, too.._. eyes shining, Danny looked at Steve, not knowing what to think because their back-up plan had failed.

"You're okay," Steve whispered as if reading his mind, but what he said next only made Danny realize the truth of things and his sense of unease grew. "You're here now, Danno. You're here and you're okay ... things are going to be fine."

"Oh my God," Danny muttered under his breath because it _had_ worked for the Chinese hadn't it? But, the other part hadn't worked at all and that would explain Steve's fear with the strong undercurrent of guilt. Steve's built in triggers had failed - twenty-three days worth of failure though?

"Yeah, right. Neither of you need to sit down. Why not? Because you two look perfectly fine to me," Lou was talking out loud behind them now. His voice was loud and his tone was intentionally sarcastic. Most likely due to frustration as he was ignored and then remained ignorant of how to help them. He waved his hand between Danny and Steve, looking helpless to find something constructive to say or to do.

"The two of you look like a pair of lily-white sheets. Danny, you at least. Sit down, would-ja? Please?"

"No. I'm fine," Danny said again, but he was distracted and on to something else. Kang's voice was inside his head and Danny couldn't make his brain function the way he needed it to work. Pushing the echo of Kang's voice aside, he looked pointedly at Steve for answers.

"I was brainwashed wasn't I? And ... the triggers ... they didn't work? Whatever the hell Kang did to me though? _That_ worked ... and it worked too well." Touching his head, Danny looked at Steve and repeated what he remembered Kang saying directly to him.

"The brain blanks; it switches off."

He shuddered when he finished speaking as another image came to mind. An image of Kang standing in front of him with Greer by his side, that eerie shimmer of water in the background. That had been inside the freighter. But how could water be inside the Arcturus?

"Ww-hat? What did you say?" Steve stammered ineloquently. He was shaken and his response proved that Danny had just hit on the key reason behind his partner's strong sense of protectiveness. Steve knew about Kang already, which meant that he also knew so much more.

"It's not what I said. That's what Kang said to me ... before," Danny said quietly. "He said that before ... _before_ whatever came next." He physically quaked at the few splintered images which threatened him again; his anxiety was at an all-time high. He had no hope in controlling how he was shivering now and an even worse time trying to stay on an even keel. Whatever Kang had managed to do to him had been _bad_ ; it had blindsided all of them and maybe even the CIA, but most of all Steve ... and Steve had been and still was trying to shoulder all of the responsibility.

"Steve?" Danny whispered softly. If Danny had felt all the color drain from his own face, then Steve really was ashen. Steve scrubbed hard at his eyes looking as if he genuinely wanted to cry. "What did you mean last night when I was so confused and you said that _you_ found _me_ ... and that I didn't have to look so hard to find you anymore ... and that I was safe? How did you find me ... was it Kang?"

Suddenly angry, Steve's expression turned venomous. "He's dead, Danny," Steve hissed though clenched teeth. "There's no point in talking about him; at least not now. It's too soon." Standing behind him, Danny caught sight of Lou's face. The older man was nodding in agreement with his partner. So now Danny evidently had two over-eager watch dogs looking out for his well-being. That was all well and good but Danny needed to know all of the truth.

"Too soon?" Danny questioned. He almost laughed as he finally sank down into the chair which Lou had offered to him. It was taking all his effort to not let his teeth clack together and for his voice not to tremble. "After twenty-three days, how can it be too soon?"

"He's dead and that's that," Steve said firmly. "We table this to another day, Danno." He watched Steve's face as he knelt down on one knee in front of him, sorrow and fear replacing the flare of anger. "Because it is just too damned soon, Danno. You're ice cold ... you're shaking ... you're under too much stress right now and it's just too damned soon to push so damned hard. You need to see your doctor today and get checked out ... then maybe ..."

"No doctors. I don't _need_ a doctor! You tell me. What came next?" Danny pressed harder when Steve adamantly shook his head. "How come I don't remember _how_ I related the intel or how I got home? There's nothing in between except ... just ... _things_ which aren't making sense. What the hell did he do - what happened on the Arcturus? How come you had to find me?"

"Why is it important now? You're _here_ ... the mission for us? It's over," Steve argued back, his hands warm on Danny's knees. "Please let's do this later, huh?" He bit his lip looking to Lou for help, but Danny interrupted the silent plea.

"He said ... Kang told me ...the brain blanks and it switches off," Danny whispered. If he were to believe the echo of these terrible words, then his brain had really switched off. It had switched off for days which had become weeks and that wasn't something he could be expected to digest. Steve had to help him fill it all back in.

"I can't...," Steve protested, his voice roughened by tears. "Danny ... don't ... don't ask me to do this. At least not yet. Please."

"There's more. A lot more. Inside here and it wants to come out, but it's stuck." Danny tapped the side of his own head before he tried to reach out to take Steve's hand. Steve was faster though and covered Danny's hand with both of his, trapping Danny's cold fingers between his warmer ones.

"I lost twenty-three days. You have to tell me; I _need_ you to tell me," Danny insisted while Steve shook his head. "Steve ..."

"I will but please not yet," Steve whispered. "Not yet, okay?" He ran his fingers lovingly over Danny's cheek again, his expression full of a desperate need for Danny to understand before he leaned forward to wrap his arms around Danny's body, pulling him in tight. As his head fell on Steve's shoulder, Danny closed his eyes.

He wanted to argue his point but Steve's warmth enveloped him, soothing away some of the cold tremors coursing through his upper body. Then, soft enough only for Danny to hear, Steve whispered in his ear. "Trust me on this. Please."

_**~ to be continued ~** _


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any characters. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Notes: crazy chapter and bad illiterate muse (didn't know I had one of those) bobbled this chapter badly. The great bunny thrashers came out of hiding to wrangle this newest rabbit (I think Phoebe had to pull out the big guns for this one! ... along with Jazzie and Swifters who tag-teamed it).

 

**H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O**

 

Danny stood on the beach by himself which had been a feat unto itself. Smothered by both Steve's and Lou's dual abilities to mother-hen, he'd had to threaten them the old-fashioned Williams' way to get it done. Steve had thought him kidding at first, but it was Lou with his Chicago street-smarts who knew Danny meant what he'd said. Still, Steve wouldn't allow him to stew alone for long, so Danny tried to find some peace in the few minutes he'd finally won.

Truth be told though, Danny was finding that he didn't want to be alone. Since he'd come outside to clear his head and avoid his body's unhealthy desire to go back to bed, his choice to wander down to the beach was apparently a bad one. He was being watched from the house, he could feel Steve's eyes on his back and that irked him no end. He couldn't stand being treated with kid-gloves especially when he didn't understand the reasons why. But he was beginning to struggle. Loathe to admit Steve might be right, Danny's current attempt at having some personal space was failing - and failing badly. He was only standing there now out of sheer obstinacy. He was forcing himself to hold his ground as he stared at the disturbing rays of light which were playing back and forth over the water. Facing the Pacific, he stood with his hands on his hips, hoping he looked confident at least from the back. He was vainly trying to push away a growing feeling of dread though as he stared across the brightly sparkling waves.

Something about the water was making him nervous. This wasn't a peaceful place for him that morning; not the soothing space that it should have been. Not even with the seagulls screaming at each other overhead or the sight of a small group of kayakers far out beyond the breakers could dissolve the feeling of ice which pitted his stomach. Inexplicably drawn to the colors and the way the light was hitting the turquoise-blue of the waves, Danny barely heard or saw those distractions. If Steve could really see his face, he'd have seen the beads of sweat collecting across Danny's brow and the disturbing paleness of his complexion. He'd have seen the fear growing in Danny's widened eyes and the way his partner's breathing was just a bit  _off_.

Danny's reaction wasn't right for this place and he didn't want to be there despite the fact that this was supposed to be  _their_  place. From day one, if Danny thought that far back, this particular place on Steve's property had been  _theirs_. Danny's chair had always been to the right of Steve's, the small wooden table in the middle, their only barrier. Standing there now though, on the beach by himself right in front of their chairs, Danny couldn't find the peace to sit down. He'd lost it and startled by this realization, Danny took an awkward step backwards away from the beautiful view.

He'd won a small battle to earn himself some free time just to think and it had become a terrible mistake.

 _Twenty-three days._  In his head, the pre-mission prep could easily have been yesterday or the day before that. Steve's argument with the Governor, happening sometime within that same period. Almost a month had gone by though. Thanks to him, a lot of people were now embroiled in the next phase of the mission or had moved on to new entirely new work. But Danny couldn't easily accept any of it. He had no hope in reconciling today's real date to what he thought it should be. His mental clock was broken and he had no hope in fixing all of its tiny pieces. He certainly wasn't going to do it here either, on the water's edge, when what he was seeing  _in_  the water itself was sparking such a strong, negative reaction.

As a cold nervous sweat began to collect and trickle down his back, Danny took another step backwards, away from the gently lapping waves. No, he didn't want to admit it, but maybe Steve was right. He wasn't ready for more and he shouldn't be entirely alone just yet. He probably did need to see a doctor or two, even if it were to just talk. Besides if their places had been reversed and this had been Steve loitering so lost on their little piece of private sand, what would Danny be saying to him?

"Nothing," Danny muttered sarcastically to himself. "He's not ... me."

Danny followed his words with a soft chuckle completely at his own sad expense. Sure if this had happened to Steve, he'd insist that Steve stay close and not be left alone. That he even be checked out at the hospital, but ... in reality? Steve wouldn't  _be_  where Danny was at that very moment. Because, if Steve had gone under like he'd suggested in the first place, Steve never would have lost his mind to Kang's cruel manipulation. Either that damned Neanderthal-like brain he sometimes showcased or that impossibly pre-sadistic, super-SEAL training - either one of those things - would have kicked in and he'd have come out smelling like a rose. No,  _Steve_  never would have wound up in Danny's broken head-space. Not him.

Danny flinched as a larger wave hit the shore-line, sending a light sparkle of spray into the air. Winning this brief battle for a moment of freedom had felt liberating at first, but now Danny dropped his hands from his hips and his shoulders sagged. He took one final look at the Pacific, displeased with how his anxiety spiked, before he turned away and glanced up towards the house. As he'd expected, Steve was standing at attention outside on the lanai. His shoulders were stiff and his stance wide and square. Damned man was on high alert and Danny sighed dejectedly as he began to re-trace his steps. He paused once to roughly knuckle the sweat away from his face and then locked eyes with Steve. Danny nodded then and Steve gave him a gentle, understanding smile, those broad shoulders relaxed just a bit. The hardness in his eyes softened to allow in a more familiar warmth and affection, plus no small amount of relief. Helpless when Steve looked like that and having Steve know what that look did to him, Danny shook his head as he allowed himself to smile, too.

"Neanderthal-putz," he mumbled under his breath as he made himself walk slowly, staying focused the entire time on Steve's smile and willing its warmth to counter the ice in the pit of his stomach. Desperately hoping he could hide how badly he wanted to glance over his shoulder to make sure the fractured patterns of light and water weren't somehow eerily following in his wake.

"Thank you," Steve whispered when Danny reached his side. "Just a consult. Nothing more; it will help."

He reached down to cup Danny's face between his hands and to turn it upwards long enough to plant a kiss on his forehead. Steve frowned worriedly at the damp heat rising off Danny's skin, but didn't say a word. Feeling contrite, Danny offered Steve a wan smile, calming himself more by linking his arms around Steve's waist in an attempt to block out the sound of the waves behind him. He didn't need to speak really. His array of silent messages had been clearly received. They'd go to Tripler later that day and meet with Danny's doctors like Steve had wanted to do. They'd talk to the doctors which Danny didn't recall ever having met in the first place but maybe this time, they could help.

 

**H5O* H5O**

Hours later, Danny was slowly working at easing himself out from under Steve's arm. To say that Steve had been overly protective and clingy since Danny had really opened his eyes was an enormous understatement. After what Danny's learned, he thought he got it. But even after visiting Tripler and talking ad nauseum to various experts, Danny didn't truly know what to do or think. They'd gone through certain aspects of the mission and the timeline again and again. Still, for Danny, that moment when he first looked into Steve's face and said his name was only a few minutes after he'd been captured by Kang and Kang's men. But when asked what had happened after the capture, Danny had no answers ... only feelings. None of which were good. He could only recall vague snippets of conversation and a general feeling reminiscent of his worst claustrophobic experiences.

The doctors weren't concerned. Steve was somewhat accepting. Danny flatly refused to let any of it go. To start with, he was incapable of grasping the new reality which Steve had cautiously shared with him based upon the doctors' gentle guidance. Small, descriptive explanations to justify his feelings of unease and give credence to some of the brief flickering of things he couldn't identify, certainly helped, but none gave him a satisfying reason. Those kid-gloves were still on and Danny was growing resentful.

Now hours later in the quiet of their home as a dark anxiety began to warp through his thoughts, Danny argued with himself that the trip to the hospital  _had_  helped him. And, in fact, all the advice he'd received that day was still helping -  _Steve_  alone always helped him and was being cautious for good reason - but Danny was starting to feel sick laying there in the bedroom. Feeling physically ill as he relentlessly dwelled on the time he'd lost and on the things he couldn't remember. Lacking explanation for it, Danny was also beginning to feel trapped and he had to get up. He needed to move. He craved some space to just walk, even if he paced the darkened hallways of the rambling house, safely keeping Steve within shouting distance. He absolutely had to breathe even though he wanted Steve, too.

Shifting his upper body just a bit to gain a few precious inches, Danny watched Steve's face like a hawk, trying not to wake him. They were lying face to face, Steve's arm thrown comfortably over Danny's side, protectively holding him close.  _Too close._ And Danny sucked in a low, juddering breath of air for how trapped he was feeling, knowing his response was both unreasonable and unfounded. Trying to calm himself, Danny studied the peacefulness of Steve's face.

Danny's lips twitched into a sad, thoughtful smile. He always loved looking at Steve this way. In the quiet of the night or in the privacy of the early morning hours. Always when Steve was caught unaware and his guard was completely down. When he looked years younger without the war-torn scars showing through. Fingertips poised mere centimeters from Steve's slightly parted lips, Danny tried to take solace in this selfish moment of his, but this time it simply wouldn't work. He slowly pulled his fingers back into a fist. His mind was in overdrive and he was getting lost in a confusing mix of splintered images and fractured sensations.

As Danny's anxiety ramped up, he knew only one thing: he needed to get up ... and out. He was anxious to be moving and to find some way to reconcile at least some of what he'd lost. The doctors had told him all of what he was feeling was normal. His confusion. His sense of loss. All of these things were normal. Their words were kind and they'd also helped, but  _words_  didn't always suffice for actually being able to  _move_. Very carefully and trying to keep his breathing to a minimum, Danny finally extricated himself from Steve's lax embrace. As he then quietly rolled to his feet, leaving the sheets behind with hardly a whisper of sound, Danny gazed down at Steve's face. From this angle, he could see more of the dark, worrisome smudges under Steve's eyes.

Steve was exhausted; and that had also become very apparent during their visit to Tripler.

 _Twenty-three_  days had worn hard on his partner, taking away much of Steve's usual vitality and heaping so much on his shoulders that Danny's remorse for this lapse ran deep for that, too. Until that visit to Tripler, Danny hadn't even thought about what that vacuum of time had meant or done to Steve. Danny needed to get over these issues of his so they could  _both_  heal and move on, leaving Kang and the damned CIA well behind.

Danny grimaced and held his hand to his stomach where a sharp, ulcer-like pain was refusing to quit. Anxiety and stress, a lovely mix for any emotionally charged Williams and Danny was a hallmark Williams, made him shiver. Now that he was standing, the room suddenly felt too cool to him and for a moment he was even lightheaded from the anxiety he was feeling. To settle his rattled nerves, Danny needed to  _move_  no matter the hour. Refusing to acknowledge how part of his brain was imagining how the moon might be reflecting off the water down by their beach, Danny gritted his teeth to tamp down an urge to just ...  _run_.

He didn't need to run and even if he did go out, he wouldn't go  _there_  ... not towards the water. If he needed to get out, he had an option. He could easily attempt a calming stroll around the quiet neighborhood. Not the beach though. Definitely not  _there_  and determined to do something as the walls to the bedroom began to close in on him, Danny moved as quietly as he could to the bureau to find a tee-shirt.

"Where're goin'?" Steve slurred sleepily from the bed and Danny jolted in alarm as Steve crawled himself to his feet. "You okay? Everything okay?" Looking disheveled and utterly exhausted, Steve looked the way Danny felt on the inside.  _Awful_.

"Danny?"

"Nowhere. I'm fine," Danny blurted hoarsely. He guiltily snatched his hand away from the bureau's top drawer. He'd tried to whisper too but he'd been loud and Steve was suddenly wide-awake and his eyes far too sharp. It was disturbing how quickly Steve snapped to a full alertness and Danny held up a hand in a vain attempt to forestall his partner's concern. But Steve saw what Danny did: that hand was shaking.

"What are you doing? You're not okay," Steve said quietly. "You want to talk about it?"

"No," Danny replied despite the fact that Steve's question was more like a definitive statement. "No, I don't want to talk."

"What do you need?" Steve asked. "The doctors suggested we talk. We should talk, right?" Nothing Steve had just asked was actually a question though. He was on guard and Danny backed up a full step.

"Nothing," Danny replied. "And ... I'm fine. Stop worrying so much. You should go back to sleep ... I just ... I can't ..."

Danny knew that he wasn't being convincing at all. In fact, the more he spoke, the more he realized that his voice was shaking as much as his hand. He sounded ridiculous. Cursing his weaknesses under his breath, Danny started to walk from the room, not sure of where he thought he might be going but at once, determined to do something.

"No! Stop. Can't what?" Steve demanded. "Hey, talk to me. Come on, Danno ... wait!"

It was amazing then how nimble Steve could be. Danny was headed off before he got just a few steps away from the bureau. He never got a chance to answer or even make it to the doorway to their bedroom before Steve had a hold of his arm.

"Danny? Can't  _what_?"

He wanted to say  _sleep_ , but Danny suddenly couldn't find his tongue. Instead, he won a bit of ground as he roughly shirked out of Steve's grip. Prevented from leaving, Danny wrapped his arms protectively around his middle and instead just shrugged. Saying he wanted to merely  _sleep_  was an obvious lie anyway. So Danny shook his head, confused as to why he was feeling so cold and off-balance as if he was having some sort of weird out-of-body experience. It was like his brain couldn't catch up with his body which was apparently - once the sun came up to announce the birth of a new day - gong to be almost twenty- _five_  days older than he thought it should be.

"Danny, talk to me," Steve gently said. "Come on ... what are you thinking,  _huh_? You're all keyed up. Did you have a bad dream ... or, did you remember something?"

Danny snorted loudly when he realized what he was doing to himself. With the volume of chills running through him, he was on the verge of a teeth-chattering panic attack which Steve had recognized before Danny had even realized it. He felt sick and he wanted Steve, but he wanted to run away at the same time. "I don't feel so good," Danny said. "I ... I just wanted to get out ... take a walk."

"Take a walk?" Steve whispered worriedly. "Now? Where? It's the middle of the night, Danno."

"No!" Danny said as he backed up quickly when Steve stepped forward, his hand outstretched. "No ... no don't. Don't touch me!" He rubbed hard at his face, surprised by the layer sweat he found there. Dismayed with himself when Steve's face became a hazy sheen of white and for a terrifying moment, Danny couldn't make heads or tails of a single word that Steve was saying. Within a millisecond of that happening, Danny's breathing became compromised and he stumbled, his knees weakening. "Don't t-touch me!" He stammered as Steve's fingers skimmed over his arm.

He moved too fast then and Danny tripped in his haste, crashing to the floor, twisting away even as Steve was pulling him into his lap. Danny didn't want to be  _touched_  even though he knew it was  _Steve_  and he could hear Steve's voice if not his actual words. The gentle baritone was in his ear. He could feel the thrum though his chest, but it wasn't countering the way his body was wracked head to foot with epileptic-like spasms. Every muscle was taut and that was when the dry heaves began. As he coughed and gagged against the bitterness in his throat, a debilitating flash connected within his brain.

An ugly union of Kang's face and a bright red-colored  _wetsuit_. Then a ...  _pool_  and ... then Danny was  _suffocating_. He couldn't  _move_  ...he was sure now ... that he was dying. He was dying because he was back  _there_  and Kang was going to kill him. But only after he took everything away from Danny first - wiped his brain clean and made him a vegetable - and suddenly, Danny saw it  _all_  with a terrible clarity.

_Kang and his people within the small control room in the lower decks of the Arcturus. The shimmer of water against the steel-gray metallic hull originating from the incredible salt-water pool built within the bowels of the big freighter._

"Kang ... he ... there was a tank. A vat of water and ...," Danny pushed out through his chattering teeth. "He ... I can't  _s-see_  ... a-and I c-can't get  _out_." Back there again, Danny gagged thickly, wanting to jackknife in half. But he was prevented by the strength of Steve's hands on his face, then his arms around his body, soothing and rocking him.

"I know Danno, I know ... and I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Danny heard the tears and sorrow in Steve's voice. He could feel Steve manhandling him around; forcing his body around so that he was facing Steve's chest instead of trying to flee from the room. Cocooned safely inside the circle of Steve's body, Danny didn't think he wanted to be touched. He was sure that he needed to move, but Steve was doing the precise opposite of what he thought he wanted and Danny became desperate.

"H-help me," he moaned both shaking uncontrollably and not really knowing what he wanted or needed or even meant anymore. Incapable of understanding that Steve  _was_  trying to help him. Danny gagged again when he found himself helpless to prevent another image from coalescing inside his mind. A vision of  _nothingness_  ... of being immobilized ... deafened... blinded. Kang's voice echoed inside his head and Danny's stomach contorted painfully enough for him to cough up bile.

_'Prep him.'_

"No," Danny whimpered. "No." He saw it then ...  _the flame from the small burner; fingers molding a small piece of clay-like substance. He couldn't hear. Couldn't see. Couldn't ...move. Darkness enveloped his body and everything just stopped._  "No. No, please. You can't do this to me ... please..."

"Listen to my voice, Danno. It's over and I got you, buddy ... I do ... I've got you." Steve's voice was there but it was too far away, too much out of reach. Danny was stuck remembering what  _Kang_  had done to him. On a distant level, he knew that he was re-living key components which he'd shoved to the farthest reaches of his mind because Kang's version of brainwashing was more of a sadistic, terror tactic. Even those not subject to claustrophobia as Danny was had succumbed to Kang's methods and subsequently, died.

Steve knew this; as did the doctors. While at Tripler, Steve had gently skirted around what he'd known after admitting he'd seen Kang's video-taped subject matter. He'd then blatantly refused to reveal anything more. Only with the doctors' careful guidance had Steve put any slim substance to some of Danny's feelings and rationalized part of his most worst, fractured images. That was it and each person participating during that day's consultation had agreed that what had been gently shared was more than enough in order to not stress Danny's recovery. As it was, panic attacks might be expected as more of the terrible truth surfaced, as would the occasional nightmare. They were all in some kind of uncharted territories, but Danny was to understand that these could be a normal part of healing. Now though, as he fell into the mother of all panic attacks, heaving in lungfuls of air, Danny hadn't quite realized what that warning might really have meant to him as he grappled fruitlessly against Steve's arms.

"Listen to me. Remember I found you? I found you and you're home, Danno," Steve repeated in his ear. "I found you ... you're safe. I promise. I'm right here. I've got you, buddy," Steve whispered repeatedly as he swept sweat-drenched hair back from Danny's forehead. Using his entire body, Steve enveloped Danny's smaller frame as if he could absorb the whole of him into his inner core. Danny heard him on some level but he fought him, too. Steve's longer legs were wrapped over Danny's and his arms were like iron around his upper body. Danny's head was tucked gently but firmly to Steve's chest by a large hand and even though Danny could sense Steve's heartbeat ... he didn't know which way was up. Worse, how he was being held so restrictively was just too much like ...  _before_.

Danny literally mewled as his sense of equilibrium was turned on its head. He found purchase against nothing as in his mind, his limbs were spread wide and his body was enveloped by a mind-numbing chill. For a terrifying moment, he heard Kang over Steve and cried out for help, not believing he'd made a single sound because of the ...  _mask_.

_A starved computer panics._

"No!" Danny shouted as he wildly lashed out one final time. The unexpected violence of his panicked surge caught Steve off guard and Danny nearly managed to break free. On instinct alone, Danny fell on his belly and scrambled towards the low light coming in from the hallway. He needed to get  _out_  and inconsolable, he let go with a wild punch, then a kick, crawling virtually on his elbows despite the weight which settled heavily across his lower body which prevented him from getting too far at all. Of course he  _didn't get anywhere_ and Danny openly sobbed into the air helpless to fight Steve's stronger determination as he was lifted and manhandled back into his partner's arms.

"Stop!  _Stop it_  ... Danny ... it's  _me_ ," Steve said through his own tears. "It's  _Steve_  ... I found you and I'm here and you're safe ... you're safe. You know  _where_  you are ... you know that place is  _gone_. It's  _gone_  Danno."

" _Steve_." The whimper was soft but it marked the prelude to his fight waning away. Eyes squeezed shut and except for residual tremors which were strong enough to also rock Steve, Danny finally went lax in Steve's embrace. Spittle was running down his chin, tears down his cheeks, and his skin was slick with a cold sweat. His fingers twitched repeatedly before finally falling to the floor. Heart pounding as if it might come right out of his chest, Danny's breathing stayed loud and harsh. Danny had reached a whole new level of exhaustion. But his brain captured one thing and held it close to anchor him: he was home. Danny wasn't ...  _there_  as he felt Steve bump him quietly up in his lap. He felt Steve pulling him in next - wrapping his warmth around Danny like a second skin -  _again_.

"That bastard is dead, Danny. I killed him and he can't hurt you or anyone else anymore," Steve whispered adamantly. "Listen to me! I found you and you don't have to try so, so hard. Trust me, please. I'm right here with you. I always will be ... I'll always come for you.  _Always_."

Kiss after kiss was layered across Danny's face while Steve simply held him close, murmuring quiet words and allowing Danny all the time he needed just to come back to himself. If he'd the energy, Danny would have wrapped himself just as tightly around Steve. He would have hugged him closer. Instead, it was all he could do to turn a bit more into Steve's chest so that he could make his arms work just enough to awkwardly clasp his hands around Steve's waist. He heard Steve calling his name while strong fingers continued to card soothing patterns through his sweat-matted hair, whispering promises of safety and love. And this time, Danny breathed Steve in ... collapsed into him ... clung to him and accepted what he couldn't control because he was home while being rocked within the circle of Steve's body.

_**~ to be continued ~** _


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any characters. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Notes: Calacious my dear, thank you again for the wonderful card and I hope you're still hanging in there w this story.
> 
> special shout out to lenail125 .. thanks for the idea and I hope you like the end result. Ongoing thanks to Phoebe for constant help and always very last minute. I have a private fear that this is becoming the never-ending story. I do hope to wrap it up soon ...

 

**H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O**

 

Even though Danny could barely keep his eyes open, Steve didn't say a single word as Danny tended to him. Now wasn't the time to talk or make recommendations, at least not overtly. Steve closed his eyes as Danny ran the warm washcloth over his face, pausing only to turn on the faucet to the bathroom sink. He listened as Danny finagled the water temperature to be warmer so he could rinse out the cloth. There was a short squeak as the faucet was turned off. The next delay was only long enough for Danny to wring the excess water out before he was back to his gentle dabbing. There was hardly any blood at all but Danny needed to do this, cater to the split lip and bruise along Steve's cheekbone. As both way of apology and method of calming himself down, Danny simply needed to do this. Ever patient, Steve didn't say a word as Danny went back to gently dabbing at his lip. He did sigh though when he opened his eyes to look down fondly into Danny's face and Danny wouldn't look at him.

"Needs ice," Danny murmured. "I'll get it." Monotone, his voice was barely above that of a whisper, and he still wouldn't look directly at Steve. With his eyes cast somewhere towards the floor, he turned to leave.

"Hold up," Steve said as he captured Danny's fingers. Letting Danny do what he needed to do was one thing, but the ongoing self-debasement had to stop. He made Danny stay next to him, sighing sadly when Danny merely rocked his forehead into his chest.

"Let me get the ice ... there's swelling," Danny complained, his voice muffled by Steve's tee-shirt. He paused and then backed up a step, finally looking into Steve's face before literally throwing his hands up in the air. "This whole thing ... it's just ... I don't even know what to say anymore."

"Come with me," Steve said. He didn't need Danny to say anything at all about the panic attack. No excuses or apologies were needed. But adding fuel to the fire so to speak, by arguing those points or by trying to rationalize what had happened to the nth degree on Danny's behalf, wouldn't help either. So, keeping it simple, Steve insisted that Danny follow along after him to the living room. "Sit. We're never going to get back to sleep at this rate." The best bet to get any modicum of rest for what was left of the night, would be in the dim light of the living room, even if they put the television on mute to just let whatever stupid set of infomercials ramble on mindlessly in front of them. What they both needed to do was just settle and _not_ think. _Not_ talk.

Though he was frowning, Danny might have sensed the same thing because he didn't argue as Steve aimed them both at the sofa. The two stayed close and without conversation for a long stretch of time. They sat there, shoulder to shoulder without uttering a single word, taking comfort in their closeness. As he sensed Danny's stress level coming down, Steve took surreptitious glances at Danny, taking note of the way his color had returned to a more acceptable complexion. Pleased with how Danny's eyes were indeed fighting to stay open now. With the way his own eyes were burning from fatigue, Steve was relieved and he sighed heavily as he fully relaxed into the deep cushions. This would work ... this was good. He was about to quietly suggest they try to go back to bed when Danny pushed the sofa's small throw pillows behind himself so that he could gain some comfort against the sofa's arm.

"C'mere," Danny said as he tugged on Steve's shoulders, making him half turn, insistent that he move along with him. Steve raised a quizzical eyebrow but was glad to follow Danny's lead, winding up with his lower body bolstered by Danny's legs and his head comfortably resting on Danny's chest. He smiled to himself as he felt Danny relax even more. Still smiling, Steve shifted just a bit to look up into Danny's face, but it was Danny who leaned down to kiss him first, just shy of the bruise on his lip.

"You know that I can't lose you, right?" Steve whispered. He surprised himself by saying it out loud. He'd certainly been thinking it for as long as he could remember. Ever since Danny had disappeared under the catwalk on the pier, not coming out on its opposite side.

The disconsolate sound which Danny made as he lightly sketched his fingers over the bruise on Steve's cheek was endearing and Steve continued to smile even as Danny gently kissed a line over the ridge of his cheekbone.

"It's no big deal," Steve murmured quietly as he ignored the twinge in his lip to fully capture Danny's mouth. Their kiss was tender at first, but erred on the side of caution. Danny's over-the-top care about Steve's bruised lip was almost comical and Steve chuckled into the kiss, deepening it further on his own. "Feels better already, Danno," he laughed softly when Danny managed a half-hearted incredulous roll of his eyes.

"Too bad you can't kiss _me_ all better," Danny said. His tone was rueful and he'd meant it almost angrily but the comment only made Steve laugh a bit louder.

"Oh I don't know," Steve grinned as he brushed his nose across Danny's before reaching up and aggressively pulling him forward. "Maybe ... we just ..." He paused to nip at Danny's lips, teasing him with his tongue. His free hand strayed through Danny's hair and then lower, across his chest where he simply splayed his fingers to feel the beat of Danny's heart. He stopped there and looked longingly into his face and waited patiently until Danny finally smiled.

"That's better. I missed your smile. The way your eyes light up," Steve said as he leaned upwards again. "Every single time." Their lips met once more, lingering longer this time, neither willing to part.

"So maybe then ... we just ... didn't try hard enough?" Danny eventually whispered breathlessly into Steve's mouth when the need to breathe finally forced them to take a break. His eyes were heavy-lidded now. Partly from desire, true, but their mutual level of weariness was wreaking havoc on any real advanced foreplay.

"Yeah. That. Need to try more," Steve agreed as he wrapped his arms around Danny's waist, relaxing to lay his head back down on Danny's chest. "Practice and all ... helps ...that."

He chuffed a pleased, content sound as Danny gently ran his fingers up and down his arm, from wrist to the inner junction of his elbow. A soothing path which he repeated at a feather-light snail's pace. Below his ear, Danny's heartbeat was strong and finally calming, but the sound and steady rise and fall of Danny's chest was beginning to pull Steve under. He closed his eyes, promising that would only happen for a second or two and that he'd stay awake for Danny's sake. Just in case he might want to talk some more.

"You saw it," Danny said. "You saw all of it."

Steve's eyes snapped back open at the bluntness of the un-expected statements. His heart thudded for a moment and Steve blinked, confused. Without moving an inch, he dared to ask the obvious even if it felt like a trap or a one-way journey down what was going to be a very bleak rabbit-hole.

"Saw what?" He asked.

"The experiment. Let me rephrase that. You saw all the videos of all of Kang's experiments," Danny clarified. Never once pausing in running his fingers up and down Steve's arm, he continued on and Steve couldn't help but cringe. He knew what was coming. "Tell me how long I was in that thing. How long was I in the tank?"

"Danny," Steve's soft tone immediately objected the question and brought on a flux of very bad memories. He burrowed closer into his partner, wending his arms more securely around him. He blocked the image of Danny's red-suited body convulsing ... _thrashing_ through a series of convulsions while helplessly suspended in the deprivation tank. He tried to kill the memory of one of Kang's technicians announcing the same. And that had been the only impetus for Kang pulling his subject out of the water. But then? The close up of Danny's lifeless face? Steve might not ever forget seeing that.

"I can't ..." Steve murmured under his breath as he tried to expunge everything from his brain, wishing that Danny would just let it all go and knowing that he wouldn't. He tried to stay quiet and yet Danny didn't say anything else either. As the silence wore on, that became more uncomfortable and worse than Danny's verbal sparring would have been. Steve tried to ignore the silence, an impossibility the way Danny's fingers kept up their incessant tracing of his skin. Feeling tortured no matter which way he turned, Steve groaned out loud. He was going to have to say something and that _something_ ... was going to be the truth.

"Five minutes was too damned long," Steve whispered regretfully. He took a deep breath as Danny stayed traitorously silent. "I can't lose you, Danno."

"Me neither. With you," Danny agreed. His voice was soft, low; still bland though. But then that was all he said and Steve rubbed his forehead against Danny's tee-shirt. He didn't want to talk about this. However, they'd have no peace at all if Danny didn't get what he wanted.

"Six hours, seven minutes, and nineteen seconds," Steve murmured, sensing Danny's surprise through the slight hesitation via Danny's featherlight touch. "From the minute they put that damned hood over your head to when they took it off. More than six hours ... and it never should have happened. I should have gone in sooner ... I should have told Kray where to go ... sooner ..."

"Shhh ... it's okay," Danny whispered as Steve's voice rose and his words started to come out in a rush. "It happened ... it's done." His voice was raspy, his throat dry-sounding and Steve could feel him swallow hard. Danny might have implied that what was done, was done, but he was hardly convinced.

"Yeah, and you're here now and you're fine. You're good," Steve said. "You hear me?" He moved his head to look into Danny's face, eyes narrowed and voice firm. "No one ... not a single one of Kang's subjects survived. Regardless of their training or experience, no one else made it out of that. Not a single man did what you did, Danny ... just _you_. You hang on to that."

He couldn't help being adamant; his tone purposeful and maybe even awed. Through it all, Steve made one particular point quite clear: he was undeniably proud of him.

Steve nodded then, forcing Danny to do the same so that Steve was assured that he had heard him and understood its implications. Danny fell quiet again, as did Steve. This time though Steve knew that their conversation about Kang's experiments, at least for the moment, was over because he'd given Danny enough to mull over. Leaning upwards, Steve gently kissed Danny again to break his far too pensive stare before easing back down, his head finding that same warm spot. Though he'd slowed down, Danny had never stopped running his fingers up and down Steve's arm. Trying again to close his eyes and relax, Steve allowed himself to fall into the natural rhythm of Danny's heartbeat. This time, the rise and fall of Danny's chest pulled Steve under and any other words which he thought he might want to say, never made it past the intent in Steve's mind because a few seconds later, he was sound asleep.

 

**H5O* H5O**

Within seconds of Steve's breathing having evened out, other than the look of sadness in his eyes, Danny's face fell blank. He felt empty inside. He stared straight ahead at the far wall and completely stopped running his fingers up and down Steve's arm. After all, that had only been a cover for how keyed up he still was after what he considered an embarrassing _event_. Frankly, he couldn't remember having had such a panic attack since well before he'd graduated from high school. Whether or not he had a valid reason was besides the point; he should have been able to control himself.

Steve's admission had been an huge surprise to him though. Danny had been sure that he'd not lasted minutes, let alone hours. Over _six hours_? Had it really been that long? Danny tried to remember his feelings of helplessness and fear. His brain didn't want to settle on any of it and he only managed to make himself start to feel nauseous. It was almost as if he was automatically switching off and away from all of it. Maybe it was some sort of self-preservation ingrained in his psyche.

Danny remembered vaguely how he'd tried to deal with his terror. Nothing had worked for him. He'd been duly beaten down mentally and physically. At the time, he'd never thought he'd be back _here_ ever again - back with Steve and safely talking about Kang and his tactics - or even the mission as a whole - as if it were some old ... _what_? Case file. Could this really eventually become one of those cases they tossed around after hours and over beers some night?

Parts of it were already stale and Danny shook his head, baffled. He'd made it out and while he wasn't at all happy about how things had played out and was sure to have some aftereffects, he felt relatively ... fine. If he dared think beyond himself, the goals of the mission had also been achieved. On paper and maybe not even only that, they'd all done what they'd set out to do within the goals of the mission even if Agent Greer was out there somewhere. And what did either he or Steve care now? She was the CIA's problem and not theirs to worry about.

As he grew more and more tired, his eyes burning from strain and his head beginning to ache from thinking too hard, Danny's gaze came back to Steve. Steve's head had fallen just below his clavicle and Danny could just glimpse the outline of his right eye and the flush of his cheek. His _bruised_ cheek and Danny's eyes flickered to the swollen bubble of sensitive skin which was reddening the corner of Steve's mouth. He'd survived twenty-some-odd days waiting for Danny to wake the hell up and look what it had got him: bumps and bruises.

Seriously? That was some thanks and Danny chuffed a slightly amused sound because it was almost funny. Steve was probably happy to have these tiny war-wounds and he'd say it out loud if pressed, too. Ever careful and not wanting to disturb him, Danny gently threaded his fingers through Steve's hair and smiled. He could feel just as protective and be just as doting on Steve as he was towards Danny and as Steve slumbered on, Danny held him closer.

He dozed then, eventually falling to sleep not un-marked by dreams, but at least they were things his beleaguered brain could manage well enough. When he woke later, the room was brighter and it was to the feeling of being watched and Danny roused a bit faster.

"Hey," Lou Grover practically mouthed from the leather recliner nearest the sofa. Danny relaxed immediately. The older man smiled as he swung a spare house key between his fingers to offer explanation to Danny as to how he got into the house. Then he tapped his watch almost apologetically.

"Been here 'bout thirty minutes watching you two love birds sleep."

 _Love birds?_ Danny raised an eyebrow, not entirely objecting the comment. He grinned back at Lou guilty as charged but not daring to move or even say a word as Steve snored gently on. Lou understood as he silently got to his feet to creep closer with his finger to his lips indicating that Danny wasn't to speak.

"You look exhausted," Lou whispered. He motioned to Steve next to prove an additional point. "... and him? Since when does a SEAL sleep like the living dead? I'll make a wise man's assumption that you two had a rowdy time last night." But as he drew closer he made an intrigued sound deep in his throat and Danny scowled. Now that he was closer, Lou could see the now livid bruise on Steve's cheek and the swelling on his lip. _Rowdy_ had been an accurate assessment, indeed.

" _Ouch_ ," Lou mouthed and Danny's scowl deepened. He shook his head unhappily. Lou merely smiled though at his contrite expression before taking advantage of Danny's current predicament. He gestured again towards Steve, his voice very low but every word was clear as a bell.

"This man there? When you disappeared under that catwalk, he held his breath ... but when you didn't come back out the other side? He didn't start to _breathe_ again until you said his name ... and that took twenty-three very long days, Danny," Lou murmured. "He's damned proud of you. We all are; so you don't need to say a damned thing to me or to anybody else for that matter. We all love you Danny, but what you two have ... this connection? You two have something special together and you have it in spades."

Danny's mouth gaped open wide but Lou shook his head, his eyes demanding that Danny not speak at all so that Steve could continue sleeping.

"Sleep," Lou whispered before he left the room only to come back with a light blanket. Based upon Lou's gentle expression, he was pleased by the fact that Steve didn't so much as twitch a finger as he draped the blanket over them both.

" _What_?" Danny mouthed when Lou stood tall, beaming as he looked down at the two of them.

"Nuthin''," Lou muttered. He wanted to say something else, but hesitated for fear of waking Steve. Instead he thumbed over his shoulder towards the kitchen before quickly and briefly saying a few final words. "Renee sent food. Sleep now ... eat later."

 _"Thanks Lou,"_ Danny silently mimed the words.

"I was _never_ here," Lou mouthed dramatically. He backed up and then pointed to the rear door through the kitchen. He made a locking motion with his fingers indicating that he'd lock the door up again on his way out. He paused though, his expression thoughtful as he looked at Steve, his voice nothing more than a low murmur.

"I'll lock you two in. Take care of him, Danny ... he's had it rough, too."

_**~ to be continued ~** _


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any characters. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Notes: So this was supposed to be the final chapter ... but the muse says no. We are officially out of the originally drafted material though. Hmmmmmm ... the muse is pondering why this isn't the fantastic, fun-filled ending as originally intended. I guess there shall be more shortly. ;-)  Continued shoutouts to Phoebe for such awesomeness. And Swifters for some additional "muse baiting" (the muse needs occasional baiting ... feeding ... validation).  ;-)

 

**H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O**

 

He never should have listened to Lou. For Danny, going back to sleep, no matter how tired he might have been, had been a very bad idea. The dream he'd had, hadn't been all that vivid. It had been a splintered mess. Broken bits and pieces of darkness, light and diffused colors. Broken pieces of terrifying feelings and images which had no hope of being assembled back together again. There had been a common thread though. _Steve_. Through all of it, he'd sensed Steve but hadn't been able to find him. He'd been there but always far away on the fringes of Danny's fingertips, always leaving Danny behind in the dark. Abandoning him to a bleak emptiness.

There had been a point within the dream when the images became worse-made imaginings. Danny's distress had climbed and he'd woken Steve, repeatedly shouting out his name.

"Stop! Steve ... _Steve_ ... _Steve_!," Danny couldn't stop his senseless yammering for a few minutes until he realized where he was. Breathing hard, drenched in sweat, and with eyes as wide as saucer-plates, Steve's name finally died on his lips. And God help him, Danny knew that Steve was strong but when pushed, his strength was un-paralleled. When Danny finally came back to himself, their positions had been completely swapped. Now, Danny was within the confines of Steve's arms and he felt as if he'd run a marathon ... and not only lost said marathon, but simultaneously had his ass handed to him just for good measure.

Nevertheless, Danny looked around half expecting to see the bowels of the Arcturus and the shimmer of the pool. Of course he wasn't _there_ though. Still in the living room, the blanket Lou had covered them with was on the floor. Danny was also stunned when he realized that both he and Steve were on the floor, too, and that Steve was braced against the big piece of furniture with his feet jammed hard up against the coffee table. Steve also didn't know that Danny had truly woken based on the tension which Danny was feeling reverberating through Steve's body. Limbs entangled, stuck within an iron-clad grip of a determined ex-SEAL, Danny certainly had no hope in hell of squeezing out this time.

" _Shhh_ , I'm right here," Steve said. "Right here ... I found you. I came for you and found you." Steve's voice was that additional trigger to pull Danny out of that terrible fugue. And only God knew how long Steve had been saying all of those things, too. Panting and shaking, Danny peered up into Steve's face. Their eyes met. Steve worriedly took stock of Danny's apparent level of awareness but he audibly sighed in relief when Danny reached up slowly to run the pad of his thumb over the flush of his partner's cheek.

"I'm sorry," Danny said, meaning it for everything now. From the beginning of where he'd agreed to buck Steve's wishes in order to shut both the Governor and the CIA up, to what he'd just inadvertently subjected Steve to again while in the throes of a nightmare.

Rather than answering him, Steve turned his head to kiss Danny's open fingers. Something which Danny didn't deserve as he looked at Steve's cheek. The original bruise was purpling nicely now and Steve looked thoroughly done. Despite all the ground they'd gained over the last few hours, it couldn't quite replace the twenty plus some-odd days of stress which was now blatantly showing in the heavy creases around Steve's eyes and the tightness of his lips. He'd let his guard down earlier and Danny now knew that; he also knew that Steve wouldn't be doing that again. Not for a long, long time.

And it was all entirely Danny's fault. Again. Though it would cause an argument of mammoth proportions, for one crazy moment, Danny haphazardly considered moving out ... _leaving_ ... going back to his small shell of a house until he got over this ... whatever it was ... _issue_. He shook his head, not sure of what what to say. Scarcely two days in, and rather than getting better, he was only just _different_. Even though he didn't voice it out loud, something must have given his thoughts away and Steve's eyes immediately clouded over.

"Don't even ...," Steve said. His voice was almost dangerously low, his expression broaching no other option. "That would be a stupid, stupid thing to do. You're staying right _here._ With me ... we'll work this out together."

"I'm sorry," Danny said as he changed course to lightly trace the outline of Steve's lips with the tips of his fingers. "I'm sorry," he repeated again and again when Steve merely stared at him, his gaze still brooding and intense.

"Danno," Steve replied, his tone serious. "I meant it when I said that I couldn't lose you ... I know you're confused or maybe you think it would save me from something, but I need you _here_." There was a subtle change to Steve's eyes as his lips pursed and Danny's breathing altered in response to some new invisible signal.

"I know. I know ... I do," Danny admitted because it was true for him too. He needed to be with Steve. Beginning, middle and end. "I need you, too ... there's no other place I need to be, except here. I wasn't ... thinking. I was just ... I don't even know."

Steve's lips twitched upwards but his eyes turned darker yet as Danny reached up to lightly trace the ridge of his cheekbone, then beyond it. Teasingly over the shell of his ear, to eventually curl his fingers around the nape of Steve's neck. Slowly, he raised his upper body to nuzzle Steve's cheek with his nose before pressing his lips to Steve's. What was tender became a heady, passionate need which deepened and then lengthened, leaving them both breathless.

"I'm so, so sorry though," Danny whispered between each breath as Steve bumped him up higher. Unable to stop, he moaned his apologies even as Steve playfully captured his lips between his teeth. Steve paused then, clearly asking permission and Danny smiled into Steve's mouth. "Yeah. You though ... you sure?" He asked as he teased Steve back, sighing softly when Steve pulled away only to mouth a hot moist path from Danny's lips downwards to the crook of his neck, where he was traditionally very sensitive.

" _St-ste-vve ..._ ," Danny stammered as Steve focused on that particularly ticklish spot which he'd latched onto with a vengeance. " _Steve_ ...?" Danny might have been asking, his voice more of a breathless pant, but his actions only meant that Steve was very sure. Incredibly _sure_ and Danny wasn't nearly as hesitant as he thought he might have been just a few seconds earlier as he squirmed in Steve's arms, biting back a moan.

"Shut up," Steve mock-growled as he began to suck an exquisite circle of heat which made Danny's toes practically curl. "No more talking. Apology ... _accepted_. Shut up and kiss me."

Danny would have laughed if not for what Steve was doing to him at that very moment. One arm was anchored around Danny's back, his fingers splayed wide, keeping him there. With his other hand, Steve was touching Danny everywhere. His chest, his face ...anywhere he could reach. As it was, Danny still tried to snort through his nose to offset the lump blocking his throat as Steve paused only to whisper that he loved him next.

"Do you feel this, Danno? Tell me ...," Steve murmured into Danny's mouth as he traced a warm pattern with his fingers over Danny's bare chest. "Show me ..." Incapable of speech, Danny's hum of approval morphed into a wanton groan as Steve's mouth sucked another wet path across his collarbone. Toes curled and body trembling, Danny helplessly flung his head back. He called out Steve's name under an entirely new spell of desire. As one hand gripped Steve's arm, behind his neck, the fingers of Danny's other hand dug in, pulling Steve closer, silently begging him to keep going as that heat radiated to the pit of his stomach where it swirled and expanded. But Danny had heard what Steve had just said and he tried to pull back, his attempt half-hearted and yet earnest.

" _Stop_ ... wait ...," he said as Steve's fingers pushed through his hair, his nails rough as they massage lazy circles over his scalp. What were they doing? "Steve ... we can't." Danny's eyes were practically crossed by now though. Who knew a scalp massage could feel so good? Nevertheless, Danny was quite honestly, embarrassed and unsure if Steve's intentions were not misguided. But Danny's mental anguish and arguments began to cease as Steve lazily caressed his chest. Why the hell couldn't they?

"Shut up, Danno ... I found you... I got you back ... you need this," Steve promised. " _I need this_ ...relax. Trust me ... just ... _feel_." He stopped though. He did, waiting to ensure that Danny was truly on board and that he was comfortable. Steve's expression became so damnably solemn despite his ardor, that Danny had to smile. He had to cup Steve's face between his hands and kiss his nose and each of his eyes before settling on his mouth. There, Danny took over, plunging ahead to steal Steve's air and to accept this new challenge. What Steve had initiated was much more than a mere sexual romp; it was a decidedly therapeutic means to destroy Kray, Greer, Kang and whatever demons Danny harbored from within the sensory deprivation tank. Steve didn't want those memories to fade, he wanted them expunged once and for all.

So as Steve ran his fingers endlessly over his body, Danny now met him half way, craving his touch and offering his own to his partner. The more he was touched, the more Danny's skin ached to just _feel_. Whether this had been some grand plan or just a spontaneous idea spawned from the terror of Danny's recent nightmare, it seemed as if Steve had inherently known what would be important. And as Danny's back arched in response to the feel of Steve's calloused fingers over the softer more sensitive skin of his nipples, followed by the heat of his mouth, this idea of his was quite frankly, unparalleled.

" _Steven_...," Danny literally gasped, his head falling backwards, pillowed against Steve's shoulder.

"Can't what?" Steve teased with a devilish chuckle into Danny's mouth as he purposefully snagged his fingers through Danny's hair. Each tug, each tiny knot which Steve's fingers found sent an exquisite jolt of electricity though Danny's nerve-endings. "You didn't mean that, Danno. Did you, _huh_?"

" _Uh_ -nope. Yeah ... maybe," Danny groaned stupidly. "Oh ... _G-god_ ...okay." More ... more was _good_ and he stumbled over correcting himself much to Steve's delight. "No ...no ... _yeah_."

"Which is it, buddy? Yes ... or no?" Steve chuckled seductively, a dark low purr of sound as he ignored the way Danny half-halfheartedly pushed against his chest. He paused to intentionally rub his unshaven face across the sensitive skin of Danny's face, neck and even lower. Stubble from Steve's chin nicked and caught on the fur of Danny's chest to send prickles of pleasure down to his toes. In reaction, Danny practically climbed up Steve's body, wanting even more.

"You need this," Steve murmured and rather than releasing him, Steve re-positioned his long body against the sofa. With remarkable ease, he simply tugged Danny along. "We both do and besides, I like this ... it's a nice way to wake up."

Danny chuffed an actual giggle, which sounded more like a snuffled-snort. "Are you s-serious? N-nightmares?" He tried to speak, to complain that Steve was talking more than he _ever_ did, but Danny was literally stammering in his breathlessness. He didn't _want_ to talk, his body wanted more of Steve's attentions. He wanted to absorb everything that Steve had to give like a sponge. And he wanted to touch Steve just as much; to be able to feel his skin, imagine the outline of the ink of his tattoos, the slide of skin over muscle.

"B-besides, my a-ass is asleep," Danny tried to talk - tried to say something - but any of his words had become admittedly weak as Steve's fingers began to pander an abstract pattern across his chest, then lower yet where Danny was already half hard beneath his lightweight sleep pants. As Steve palmed him through the thin material, if Danny's breathing had noticeably faltered before, it all but stopped now. Under him, Steve was equally trying not to fidget; trying to hide his own growing arousal. That bit of knowledge did nothing for Danny's own strong feelings of lust.

"Your ass, _huh_? Do we need to _wake_ that up, too?" There was a final, wicked look in Steve's eyes just before he leaned down, sucking harder at Danny's bottom lip nearly to the point of pain, his forehead firmly pressed against Danny's. His own lip where Danny had accidentally kicked him that glancing blow was reddened and sore looking. Danny glanced to the bruise and then back to Steve's eyes reading so much there. The laughter. The love. His seriousness and even lust.

"You still good?" He suddenly asked, allowing that serious side to leak through. That impossible switch had been flipped again, all teasing paused to the mutual sounds of their breathlessness while Steve weighed and measured Danny's willingness to continue down a path he'd soon not be able to turn back from.

This was a final courtesy call. One that proved that Steve could and would stop if Danny wasn't comfortable with any singular part of this plan. It was hardly a necessary question though because the answering suggestive look in Danny's eyes gave Steve all the permission in the world. For them, the timing was perfect.

"Why don't _you_ just shut up for a change?" Danny exhaled the words in a hoarse rush as he rucked up the tee-shirt Steve was wearing. Where Danny was already bare-chested, Steve was wearing a tee-shirt. Rucking the material up, Danny snaked his hands underneath to splay his fingers wide. He watched Steve's face, drinking in the response as his hands covered the breadth of Steve's chest. Warm strength leeched into his fingertips and Danny closed his eyes for a moment, reveling in what he could feel before realizing he could also hear Steve's reactions. Each of Steve's inhales comprised a sound that was low and deep, where each long exhale ended on a softer and barely audible sound emanating from the back of Steve's throat. Eyes still closed, Danny smiled to himself as he flexed his fingers over Steve's pecs and thumbed his nipples. Every subtle move and twitch he created under his hands electrified Danny's synapses. Wanting more, Danny pushed the material up even higher when Steve's breath audibly hitched and he could felt muscle tighten, ripple and flex under his hands. _Hell_ , sitting there between Steve's legs, Danny could also feel the thickening bulge trying to ride up his lower back. He opened his eyes to grin lasciviously as he stilled his own intentions, inordinately pleased when Steve's eyes widened in surprise.

"So, Steven, tell me. Are _you_ sure?" Danny asked just to be spiteful, his own expression now wolfish as he threw down a gauntlet of his own. He leaned backwards, awkwardly putting pressure on that hardness stuck within Steve's sleep pants while alternately pulling and pinching both of his nipples.

 _"D-danny_ ..," Steve barely got his name out as Danny roughly rolled his thumbs across the hardened pair of pebbled skin. "A-absolutely," he said next as he graced Danny with a long, luxurious pull through Danny's material-trapped erection. With a gasp, Danny's hips instinctively bucked upwards but he had nowhere to go. In a move which defied understanding, Steve had inadvertently shifted enough to trap Danny's legs and lower body.

The change was sudden and ... bad. Danny jolted in shock, his mood changing in a heart beat, as Steve's legs held his lower body in place. For a split-second, Danny saw _Kang_ in his head and felt a spike of fear so strong that his eyes grew huge and his mouth gaped open. He couldn't _move_ ... and suddenly this game of theirs didn't seem like such a good idea after all.

"Wait _... s-stop ... S-Steve_ ...," Danny stammered as he froze in place, his hands clutching desperately onto Steve's shoulders, his fingernails leaving white ridges in Steve's skin. "No. Maybe ... I - I _can't_ ..."

"Easy. Easy. You're good, babe," Steve crooned softly, instantly concerned. He loosed his hold, completely freeing him. He untangled his fingers from Danny's hair and gently smoothed the mussed strands back, both hands one after the other running gently from the crown of Danny's head towards the back. " _Shhh ... shhhh_ ... it's okay. We've done this before ... it's nothing new." Steve's eyes held a note of sympathy now along with a fond, understanding sense of tenderness.

"You're _here_ ... _home_ ... safe." He eased up on everything then. His hold light and easy, his back comfortably resting against the sofa. Pulling back just enough but still able to gently cradle Danny's head against his chest. "Safe with me."

He whispered reassurances while kissing what he could reach of Danny's face until Danny moved to reposition himself more comfortably.

"Stupid ...," he started to say, stopped when Steve shook his head to the contrary, capturing Danny's mouth to put an end to his fretting.

"Not stupid," Steve murmured patiently. "Tired ... still doubting ... and we have all the time in the world."

Danny felt dizzy as he stared into Steve's face wondering how he'd gotten so _stupidly_ lucky. "I love you," he said, his eyes wide and shining, emotions shattered by Steve's level of affection. Completely undone by his incredible unselfishness ... in all the right ways. Slowly and using the space which Steve had now granted him, Danny forced Steve's shirt up over his head. Nose to nose, and chest to chest, Danny looked deeply into Steve's eyes while running his fingers lightly over his shoulders.

He nodded to Steve's unspoken question whether it be concern or uncertainty. That bad moment was gone ... done ... and Danny did want this. So he nodded again, smiling and calm. He was good; better than good. He kissed Steve once, then twice. He watched Steve closely, unblinking the entire time, while sinking down lower. Focusing his attentions solely on Steve's chest when he lost sight of Steve's face to gently tongue Steve's left nipple to hardness. He briefly paused to inhale a short breath before lipping the taut nub into his mouth where he suckled obscenely on it, not stopping until he felt Steve's hands gripping tightly into his hair. He switched sides then, moving to Steve's right nipple to do the same and smiling to himself when Steve grunted and stammered his name.

As he sank lower yet, shifting his upper body completely, Danny wasted no time in freeing Steve from his own lightweight sleep pants. No longer hard, Danny licked his own hand as he almost apologetically palmed and stroked Steve's length. From perineum to running his palm lightly over its head, Danny leaned down to allow his tongue to follow his hand, compounding the sensations. His next pull was longer, harder and bordered on being almost too rough. The low grunt he heard above him was expected - what he _wanted_ to hear - and as Steve's length thickened in his hand, Danny grinned. He paused, inhaled and then briefly mouthed its head, using his tongue to his advantage. Almost devilishly then, Danny switched tactics. He picked up the pace with his hand while leaning upwards to latch onto Steve's still reddened nipple, a glance proving that Steve's head was flung backwards, his eyes closed.  Purposefully, Danny hummed a sound while worrying at the pebbled skin. A vibration that Steve evidently felt throughout his nerve endings as he uncontrollably bucked upwards, needing to brace himself against the floor with both hands.

" _Danny_!" Steve shouted his name brokenly, then whimpered as he tried to catch his breath. " _D-danny_ ..."  Buttocks clenched, he thrusted with each steady pull, looking for more and more friction which Danny gladly gave him. He was close to coming and Danny quickly exchanged his hand back to the heated wetness of his mouth. Despite the awkward position, his tongue continually laved a slick pattern as Steve's length pulsed heavily. Refusing to stop or pull back, Danny hollowed his cheeks, encouraging Steve to just let go because for more than twenty-plus some-odd days, he was positive that Steve had lived like some pre-ordained monk.

"Jesus, God ... fuck," Steve whined above him as he mired his fingers back through Danny's hair where he fisted the strands tightly together, yanking painfully on his scalp. But that exquisite pain only landed in the pit of Danny's stomach where it moved of its own accord to reside inside his own anxiously twitching cock, making it harden and weep. With his free hand, Danny palmed himself, moaning as his own need increased.

Entangled around each other once more, they were both panting heavily, the sounds loud and discordant in the room. Any thoughts or images of Kray, Greer, Kang or fears about gray ghostly freighters were long gone and likely never to return. There was no feelings of a claustrophobic entrapment. There was only sweaty skin sliding against more skin, two pairs of muscular legs entwined and Danny was back to reveling in their closeness, wanting only to touch and to be touched by Steve. Inhaling the sweaty musk growing between them, Danny groaned lustily as Steve found the wherewithal to slap his hand away in order to resume his own pleasant attack on Danny's thick shaft.

And this? This plan of Steve's came full circle. Lost in each other, it worked without fault to ground them both.

More than twenty-three days was a helluva long time and as his breathing hitched to a climax, Danny owed Steve practically everything as he shouted out his name.  Trembling and briefly overcome, Danny's head fell forward to rest on Steve's shoulder, Steve's cheek rocked against his temple.  They stayed like that for a time, not speaking. Each catching their breath and eventually calming to sit cuddled into each other. Hovering contentedly in a peaceful twilight, half-awake, yet completely aware of each other.  Danny could have stayed like that forever. But it was Steve who broke the silence. He made Danny laugh at what should have been the most sensual of moments while laying there under the light blanket which Danny had retrieved as their skin cooled, not caring of the clammy stickiness of their closeness. 

"So tell me ... is your ass still asleep?" Steve dared to ask, chuckling as Danny dissolved into laughter against his chest.

_**~ to be continued ~** _


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any characters. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Notes: thank you all for being patient w this final chapter; I think it might be a good little wrap up. And thank you all and the guests I can't reply to for the wonderful comments and reviews. I appreciate all of them! More shout outs to Phoebe for all the help and bantering on this fun journey!
> 
> Hugs to Calacious! I hope you enjoyed this little gift!!

 

**H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O**

 

As he watched Danny try to relax, his head propped up on Steve's balled up jacket, with said jacket balanced on Steve's knee, Steve ran his fingers lightly up and down the soft inner skin of Danny's arm from elbow to mid-bicep. He'd liked it when Danny had done it to him, so he figured that Danny would like the soothing motion as well. Though he wasn't entirely there yet, the light touch was indeed helping Danny find a focus and so with his eyes barely open now, Steve had at least assumed that correctly.

"Are you sure that you're okay here?" Steve asked. The question was a loaded one and he was worried about the answer even if Danny's eyes were half-mast. After spending the entire day lazing about with cautious discussions about what Danny might or might not remember about Kang, Greer and the Arcturus, they had moved to the beach. The change in scenery had been Danny's idea, leaving Steve a bit concerned as to the reason why. Yet, here they were, together on the sandy strip just behind the house. Steve sitting cross-legged, Danny on his side with his head pillowed just so. They were facing the ocean with the pre-supposed purpose of watching the sunset behind a brilliant field of fluffy white clouds. The sun was still high in the sky and creating a glimmering sheen off the bright whites and iridescent grays. Based on appearances alone, the two looked as if they were quietly waiting for another spectacular Hawaiian sunset. Under Steve's hand though, Danny still seemed a little tense. As if he still might be fighting ... _something_.

Steve had no doubts at all that he was and in fact, his partner was testing himself along that very same line. The ocean; water. Being outside so close to things which could be triggers were all purposeful tests which his partner was foisting upon himself. It was a trial by fire and Steve both proudly lauded Danny's tenacity while wondering the intelligence of trying too soon. Watching Danny's profile and seeing the occasional flicker of eyelashes as certain watery shapes or shadows caught his eye, Steve erred on the latter, deciding it was far too early to be attempting things which could prove risky.

"We could always just go back inside. It's all right you know," Steve suggested. "Why don't we go back in, _huh_? Warm up that tray that Lou brought over?"

He continued that abstract pattern while he spoke. Up Danny's arm, then down again. His fingertips just barely touching Danny's skin. In all actuality, the repetition was good for Steve too and it was easy to keep up. He seemed to know why Danny had adopted the quirk; Steve liked it too. But he was also riding a tenuous line and ready to unravel his legs in a heartbeat should Danny decide that going inside to escape the sight and sound of the water was a better idea.

"No, I'm good," Danny insisted. "Not yet." He adjusted his head on the jacket, one hand on Steve's knee. "You know, you're going to have to get that house key you gave to Lou. If you don't get it back ... things are going to get a little dicey for us. For a big guy, Lou's really and I mean _really_ , light on his feet."

Glancing down, Steve grinned. "Good point," he agreed. "Though, we could accidentally miss out on Renee's food."

"Twenty-three days is a long time," Danny said softly. The comment wasn't what Steve expected to hear next on the heels of talking about Lou or Renee's fine cooking and he heaved in a big sigh because _this? This_ Steve should have known what Danny continually dwelled on, in and around the odd triggers of light or abstract shadow which were playing across the water as dusk began to settle in the sky.

"It is," Steve reluctantly concurred. "A helluva long time." He frowned then because Danny didn't say anything else. He was plotting something else now. Why throw the statement out and then say nothing? Steve could literally feel the urgent change as Danny fidgeted under his hand and he wasn't disappointed - or maybe he was - when Danny asked his next question. He certainly shouldn't have been surprised as he was though.

"What did you tell the kids?"

Steve sighed again, looking everywhere except down at Danny now. He stopped the idle running of his fingers up and down Danny's arm, not knowing where to put himself. He should have expected this, too. Of course he should have and he mentally kicked himself for not planning ahead. What was more true was that Steve should have voluntarily brought up the subject of both Grace and Charlie rather than Danny. The only reason he hadn't brought up either of Danny's kids and what they'd been told for nearly a month was due to a simple sheer lack of time, because once Danny started to come out of his traumatic syndrome, he'd accelerated at a startling rate of speed.

"At first, that we were both on a case and had to be out of pocket," Steve said. "That worked for about a week ... that worked for about as long as you were at Tripler and then it just didn't." Steve looked down when he felt Danny move, shifting how he was lying. Moving from his side, he flipped over to his back so he could look up into Steve's face, his head still pillowed on Steve's knee.

"Who was first?" Danny asked.

Steve snorted softly through his nose, grinning wryly. "First? You know I'm not sure," Steve said. "Each of them have their own way of being ... _impatient_. I'd say it was more of the how rather than which one of them demanded to know more of what was really going on with _their Danno_ first."

Danny's smile was huge at that short update and Steve raised a quizzical eyebrow. Rather than being worried, Danny was _smiling_ and Steve relaxed, his own grin deepening in a pleased way. Without being prodded, Steve continued on, going slowly so he could relate first Grace's and then Charlie's methods to the best of his memory.

"Grace picked up the phone, called me, and just demanded to know everything," Steve said. "She's not shy, Danno. Not at all. And her tone? Wow ... she's this crazy mix of you and Rachel and herself ... she threw every single reason at me before I could even say boo."

Danny laughed as he pointed up towards Steve. "You're first mistake was answering the phone, wasn't it?" Danny said. "If you hadn't answered the phone, Grace might have maybe gone another day or two."

"No kidding," Steve laughed back. "Your schedule with them is as close to clockwork as you can manage around our cases and whatever crazy time we're having at work. You manage to call or text or something ... _anything_ ... almost every single damned day. You're a good _father_ , Danny. So the clues were there and when you missed too many check-ins ... it was easy for Grace to notice."

"And when you answered her call ...?" Danny sniffed back a giggle.

 _"And_ when I answered her call on the first damned ring, she knew," Steve said. "She _knew_ it was more than what she'd been told and she _knew_ that something had gone wrong. She was mad as hell ... mad and upset. So upset."

"And?" Danny asked.

"And I told her that you were with me and that I was helping you work through a few things," Steve whispered. "She wanted to come over and see you ... she really did, but I didn't think that would be a good idea. I wanted you back ... I promised her that I'd get you back ... that you'd be all right ..."

"You did," Danny replied, breaking off what had become an anxious ramble of sorts. "Easy, babe." He reached up, grabbing for Steve's fingers. "You _did_ ... and so now, we call her, right?"

"Right ... _we_ call her and we call Charlie," Steve stated firmly. He smiled as he ran his thumb over Danny's knuckles. "I ... _we_ ... just haven't had the time to do it ... to call her.  Or Charlie, either ... so we need to call and let them know you're okay now."

"Yeah," Danny said, his voice wistful as he tugged Steve's hand close to his chest where he cradled it there. "So Charlie? What did he do?"

"Ah, Danno," Steve frowned worriedly. "Rachel called because the poor little guy just didn't understand ... Lou stayed with you and I went over to their house. I got him a toy ... a truck ... stupid really, but I didn't know what else to do."

"He was upset. Crying ... he thought I left him. He didn't understand," Danny interrupted, knowing all the right things which Steve was struggling to say. His smile was gone now just like Steve's. All Steve could do then was nod until he shook his head. He wasn't thinking at all and there was no time like the present. Leaning forward just enough, he pulled his cell phone out of his back pocket and plunked it into Danny's hands. Their eyes met and then their pair of dual smiles were firmly back in place and Danny was sitting up, automatically hitting Steve's speed dial code for his ex-wife's cell phone. They didn't need to say anything else about it - all that was left was to fix everything now.

"Hey." Leaning over, Steve kissed the side of Danny's head while starting to get up. "I'll start the oven ... warm up Renee's dinner ... it's enough for an army," he whispered into Danny's ear. Smiling when Danny quickly captured his lips before he could get all the way to his feet, Steve added. "Have them come over or we'll go get them ... whichever works for Rachel. Hell, invite her over too. Ice cream after? Mini golf? We'll figure out something, okay?"

"Still love you," Danny whispered quickly as the connection began to chime. His eyes were shining and whatever remaining demons he'd been thinking about earlier were now definitely gone. Steve grinned as he absorbed that smile which lit the whole of Danny's face and illuminated the blue of his eyes. Any threat of tears were happy now and that? That was entirely all right.

"Me too," Steve said around another quick kiss. "Love you, buddy." He got to his feet then, feeling lighter than he had in nearly a month. Beaming really when he heard Danny's next words.

"No, Rach ... it's me." Steve heard Danny say before a short pause, followed by a genuinely, pleased laugh. "Yeah, I'm back ...and things? Things are just great."

_**~ End. ~** _


End file.
